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Monday, November 26, 2012

The Walking Dead Chitty Chat Club!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Nov 26, 2012 at 10:44 AM

Well, it certainly was no Liz & Dick (which is an unfair comparison because Liz & Dick was perfect—as in terrible), but last night's episode of The Walking Dead (titled, "When the Dead Come Knocking") did have its high points. WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHITTY CHAT ABOUT THOSE POINTS? Hit the jump for my spoilerific thoughts and your words of commenting wisdom!

Carl! Shoot your whiney baby gun! Doc! Shoot your amputated crutch gun!
  • Courtesy AMC
  • "Carl! Shoot your whiney baby gun! Doc! Shoot your amputated crutch gun!"

So here's what I'm thinking...

1) First things first, and I want everyone to make a note of it—especially TV and movie characters. BAD GUYS CANNOT GET INFORMATION OUT OF DEAD GUYS. When are characters going to learn this? A show of hands for everyone who just KNEW it would be Maggie who blabbed to the baddies about where Rick and the gang were hiding out. Right. EVERYBODY KNEW THIS.

2) That's not to say that Maggie didn't put up a good fight. Big props to her for calling the Guvnah's bluff on his fakey (but very creepy) rape threat—which I don't think I would be able to do. I'd be singing like a bird the second he told me to take off my shirt! HOWEVER. She puts up with that, as well as hearing the shit being beat out of Glenn, but folds like a house of cards when someone sticks a gun to his head? Again, BAD GUYS CANNOT GET INFORMATION OUT OF DEAD GUYS. Remember that the next time someone kidnaps you.

3) I'll admit I loved Glenn's newfound badassery, especially after taking a beating AND having to kill a zombie while tied to a chair?!? Rednecky McRacisterson was an idiot for throwing a zombie in the room with him, because again, c'mon dumbass! BAD GUYS CANNOT GET INFORMATION OUT OF DEAD GUYS.

4) Meanwhile back at the prison, Michonne's hanging out at the front fence looking like she's in the front row of a Damn Yankees concert, when she blacks out and is barely saved by Rick, Carl, and Dr. Farmy McHobbled-McDrunkerson... who needs to outfit his leg stump with a sweet bayonet like Rednecky McRacisterson.

5) Actually, now that I think of it, I wish it had been Maggie who was tied to the chair and had to fight off the zombie, instead of Glenn, who in a perfect world would've spilled the beans instead of her. That would've been a much more creative and forward-thinking way of handling those scenes. I should be in charge of this show. Anyway...

6) Watching the aftermath of sex between the Guv'nah and Blondie McGunnerson grosses me the fuck out. I don't know why... it's like watching Matlock and one of the Golden Girls having sex.

7) So while Rick and the gang handled their interrogation of Michonne very poorly, at least she wasn't asked to take off her shirt, right? She gives up the info on where Glenn and Maggie were taken, and Rick's Rangers ride to the rescue, where they are trapped by zombies in a shed populated by the LAST HOBO ON EARTH TO HEAR ABOUT THE ZOMBIE INVASION. C'mon dude! Read a paper now and then would'ja?

8) What else happened? OH YEAH. So Blondie McGunnerson and Woodbury's Dr. Simpy McWimp experiment on an old guy with terminal prostate cancer to see if they can stop him from changing into a zombie by ringing a metal bowl. Shockingly, IT DOESN'T WORK. Seriously, guys. Read a paper.

9) Lastly, the Guv'nah sends his squad of killers to the prison just as Rick's Rangers arrive at Woodbury Liberal Arts Lesbian College. My predictions for the mid-season finale next week? Baby Carl opens up a can of prison-style whup-ass, Rick and his people enjoy a delicious fro-yo at the Woodbury Sweet Shoppe, Rednecky McRacisterson's attempt to gain sympathy from his somewhat less rednecky brother is stymied when he tries to bayonet Carol, and Blondie McGunnerson won't be able to decide what side she's on because as usual SHE'S ANNOYING.

10) That's what I thought. What did you think? Oh, and lest we forget: BAD GUYS CANNOT GET INFORMATION OUT OF DEAD GUYS.

So why do they call this Zombie Infested Forest again?
  • Courtesy AMC
  • "So why do they call this 'Zombie Infested Forest' again?"

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