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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: Bros Before Hos

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Nov 27, 2012 at 10:29 AM

I'm on hiatus while working on a manuscript for a new book. In the meantime, please enjoy these classic Savage Love letters pulled from previous columns. I will be back when the book is finished. —Dan

Originally published December 13, 2007:

My two roommates are in the same frat. Roommate A is a great guy, but maybe a bit too nice: Recently, his GF cheated on him and he forgave her. Her infidelity did not come as a surprise to the rest of us. When she's drunk, she acts inappropriately. She gets touchy and says suggestive things—it's way beyond friendly flirting.
Anyway, Roommate B came into my room the other night and confessed that, a week or so before Roommate A's GF cheated on him, she propositioned another member of his fraternity—let's call him OG (Other Guy)—while Roommate A was away. OG refused, to his credit, and relayed the story to Roommate B, but swore him to secrecy.

Is it my place to tell Roommate A about his GF's behavior? I don't know OG well enough to tell him to tell Roommate A, and Roommate B won't tell Roommate A. Everyone agrees that it's a fucked-up situation. I mean, no one really knows how many times GF has fucked around on my roommate. What's your take?

Friend Really Over Strumpet's Treachery

My response after the jump...

All you've got, FROST, is hearsay—what Roommate B told you about what OG told him about Roommate A's GF—and hearsay isn't admissible in court. But this isn't a trial, it's a friendship, and sometimes friendship requires us to pass along hearsay and/or highly credible gossip.

What's that lovely saying that sometimes drops from the oh-so-fuckable mouths of frat boys? Oh, yes: Bros before hos. Usually I find that phrase offensive and misogynistic, FROST, but in this instance it applies.

Tell Roommate A what you know. If his GF is making passes at everything on campus with a cock, Roommate A has a right to know for his own health and safety. His GF also needs to learn a valuable lesson: She's got to set up her cheatin' game—fuck people outside of her boyfriend's social circle, for starters—if she intends to cheat on all the men she's with over the course of her life. Getting her ass dumped for sloppy technique in college will help her get her cheating act together by the time she marries some poor bastard.

And finally, FROST, there's a chance—an outside one—that Roommate A already knows and doesn't care, either because he and GF have an open relationship or he's turned on by his girlfriend "cheating" on him. If Roommate A doesn't dump his GF after you break the news, FROST, you're not obligated to inform him about any other trouble his GF gets into. Rest assured, she's telling him all about it while he fucks her senseless.

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