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Sunday, December 9, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Sun, Dec 9, 2012 at 11:19 AM

Power grab? What power grab? Egypt's besieged president giggles nervously and takes back his declaration of emergency dictatorial powers even as he insists on ramming through a constitution hastily written by the county's Islamists. Protesters aren't biting.

The US-funded Iron Dome missile shield not only protects Israel from rockets. It also helps shield Israeli leaders' ears whenever someone talks too long about finding peace with Palestine.

America's transitive foreign policy conundrum. If America likes Syria's rebels, but Syria's best rebels are actually some of Al-Qaida's most awesome fighters, then does America also actually like Al-Qaida again, just like in the 1980s?

Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez and his ex-flame, cancer, were recently spotted canoodling in the palace or wherever the hell Chavez lives.

An off-duty sheriff's deputy working security at a Walmart in Houston shot and killed a woman accused of shoplifting. Because shoplifting is apparently now a crime that warrants deadly force. The woman he killed was a Katrina refugee nursing a young daughter with sickle-cell anemia.

Hillary Clinton will spend the next few years laying the groundwork for a presidential run. Probably.

Corporations have become very skilled at conning us into preemptively clearing them of blame and responsibility for their inevitable incompetence and negligence.

Willard Romney met Manny Pacquiao before last night's fight and infected him with his reverse Midas touch.

Jerry Sandusky spends 23 hours a day in his prison cell (which has a TV) because the other inmates have expressed casual interest in, oh, killing him.

Notorious B.I.G.'s family was supposed to be called before his autopsy went out to the world. They were not. And now the Los Angeles Police Department is apologizing.

Now that we're cavalierly wrecking our water supply to mine ungodly amounts of natural gas, Ron Wyden is among those who want to smooth the way for natural gas exports—which could raise domestic prices.

IT'S A GAS! IT'S A REAL GAS!

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