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Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Dec 12, 2012 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! And if there's somebody you'll love till you die, then all that jive talkin', just gets in your eye. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

In case you somehow missed it, a potential massacre was narrowly avoided yesterday at the Clackamas Town Center Mall when a young adult male walked into the food court wielding an undetermined rifle and began shooting wildly. Chaos erupted throughout the mall (police estimate 10,000 people were there at the time), and four SWAT teams swept the 1.4 million square foot shopping center. In the end, two were left dead, and one seriously injured (now identified as 15-year-old Kristina Shevchenko) while the shooter himself (who has been tentatively identified, but police are withholding details pending further investigation) died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. It's a miracle this situation didn't go more sideways than it did. We expect to learn more information—and there are a LOT of questions to be answered—at a press briefing today at 10 am. Stay tuned to Blogtown for the latest.

Happy 12/12/12 day everybody! Now go back to work.

Despite the threat of sanctions, North Korea fires a rocket putting what is thought to be a satellite into space. (I bet it's a statue of Kim Jong-un—but I could be wrong.)

Musician Ravi Shankar, famous for bringing the sitar to the west (and unfortunately the Beatles), has died at the age of 92.

President Obama now officially recognizes the Syrian opposition—which is probably a bigger deal than it sounds.

Former first daughter Jenna Bush is pregnant. Snore.

The Pope send his first tweet. Snore. (At least it wasn't about his sandwich. STOP TWEETING ABOUT YOUR SANDWICHES, GUYS. I WILL UNFOLLOW YOU.)

Congratulations to presidential loser Mitt Romney who at least won one thing: Politifact's "Lie of the Year."

Amsterdam's mayor is seriously considering banning students from all marijuana smoking in school. Now let's not do anything rash!!

Actress Anne Hathaway accidentally flashed her junk at last night's premiere of Les Miserables—or more like Les JUBILATION if you ask me 'cuz HAW! HAW! HAAAAA! WHOOOOOO. High five.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: On and off showers and sunbreaks throughout eternity, highs in the mid-40s.

And finally, an absolutely fantastic mashup of the Charlie Brown Christmas dance scene and Bad Brains' "Pay to Cum." Yes, yes, a thousand times YES.

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