So, yeah, no apocalypse. But ain't no one taking away our "fiscal cliff!" John Boehner failed to outfox President Obama and cobble a Republican-only compromise plan, including a tax increase for millionaires, after his own members told him to take a hike.
Washington gridlock also threatens people who drink the white liquid mama cows dispense into their growing calves. If a new farm bill isn't passed, some nonsense from 1949 takes over, and the price of a gallon of milk could spurt up to $8. Laugh, laugh, laugh you soy/almond/water savants!
Cluster bombs, Cold War relics that murder even more indiscriminately than regular aerial bombardment devices, have become one more way for Syria's Bashar Assad to punish civilians who side with rebels.
It's a good day for America when a brave Marine, caught on YouTube, owns up and pleads guilty to urinating on a Taliban corpse.
Your Christmas flight to the great white middle of the United States, if it's today, has probably been delayed or canceled because of fearsome snow and high winds.
Bells tolled 26 times in Newtown this morning, honoring almost all the victims of last Friday's elementary school massacre—everyone but the gunman's mother.
Russian lawmakers would rather Americans stop stealing crops from their orphan gardens.
North Korea has decided to imprison an American tourist because of something insane like crimes "proven through evidence" that apparently is being held by Kim Jong Un's secret girlfriend in Canada. It's okay, though. The guy is receiving "legal treatment."
Tunisia is broke, so it's selling its deposed dictator's fancy things, AKA "ill-gotten goods," at wherever you sell a former dictator's fancy things, AKA "ill-gotten goods."
A former Olympian runner has raised eyebrows after admitting to living a double-life as a Vegas escort.
One of the two inmates who tied smuggled bedsheets together and shimmied down 15 floors to bust free from a Chicago federal prison has been recaptured and, I hope, high-fived for his audacity.
IS THIS THAT EXCELLENT "END OF WHATEVER" SONG EVERYONE'S BEEN TALKING ABOUT THESE PAST FEW DAYS BECAUSE OF SOMETHING I CAN'T REMEMBER?
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