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Thursday, January 24, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Thu, Jan 24, 2013 at 9:14 AM

Good morning, Blogtown! And good news! We're officially someone's "sworn enemy"! Peeved over another round of United Nation sanctions, North Korea's bellicose boy king is promising another nuclear test and more long-range missile launches—all aimed at these Yoo-nited States, “the sworn enemy of the Korean people.”

Kansas has an answer to President Obama's expansive vision for a new liberal age in America: A Republican-fueled plan to cut off government spending by ending the state's income tax.

Democrats worried about 2014 will fight with congressional Republicans over who gets to be the biggest roadblock to the president's package of gun control reforms.

At least filibuster reform might actually happen. The Senate is close to a bipartisan (and watered-down) deal that would do away with the lily-livered practice of requiring 60 votes just to talk about legislation.

War remains unpleasant. Duh. But now American women can officially fight in them. Never mind that necessity and two simultaneous wars of occupation have seen women unofficially on the front lines for years.

Israel's right-wing march was interrupted by a minor voter backlash—conferring new prominence on the country's centrist movement and its untested political leaders.

Hillary Clinton basically kicked
a bunch of Republican senators' dicks in the dirt during six hours of hearings on Benghazi yesterday.

In Spain, unemployment is at an amazing all-time high of 26 percent—the fallout of a long, deep recession that's refusing to let go of the European Union.

Britain, meanwhile, is about to decide whether it should stay in the EU and its lumbering, semi-centralized economy. The Conservative Party wants a vote in the next five years.

Record profits and sales for Apple are somehow a terrible thing for Apple, which saw a drop in its stock price and must forever compete, in the minds of stock analysts, with its boffo and mythical earnings performances of the past. Also, Android.

Indiana is an embattled gambling mecca. I had no idea. I know I've never liked driving through it because, even though it's tiny and filled with nothing, it seems like it lasts forever.

DON'T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT. WATCH THIS PAINFULLY BORING AND LONG VIDEO TESTAMENT TO THE FUNDAMENTAL TRUTH OF INDIANA'S FUNDAMENTAL UNWORTHINESS. UNLESS YOU'RE FROM THERE. IN THAT CASE I'M TOTALLY KIDDING. HAHAHA. SEE?

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