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Monday, February 4, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Feb 4, 2013 at 9:31 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Back beat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out. I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Bullied Le Grande, OR teen Jadin Bell died yesterday in Portland, after his parents took him off life support. On January 19th, the 15-year-old hung himself on an elementary school play structure.

Thousands gathered to pay final respects to former mayor of New York, Ed Koch, who died on Friday.

The Senate tries once again to push the Violence Against Women Act which was torpedoed by Congress last year, because they hate women (and gays and Native Americans and some others who were not mentioned in this list).

Archeologists find the bones of King Richard III beneath an English parking lot. No word yet on his kingdom, or his horse, and that is a literary joke, do you get it, no, then go to college.

Apparently there was some sort of football game yesterday? For those like me who spent the entire time surfing porn sites, here are the top five things to know... I guess, like I said, I was surfing porn.

A tour bus crash in Southern California leaves eight dead, and a cop saying that it's "a horrific scene... probably one of the worst ones I've seen in my career."

A Texas teen nearly dies after smoking synthetic weed purchased from a gas station. Man, if you can't trust synthetic weed purchased from a gas station, what can you trust?

European soccer is under investigation for allegedly fixing hundreds of their games. This looks like a job for Inspector Lance Armstrong!

It's day six for the boy being held by a murdering Alabama gun nut inside an underground bunker.

AirAsia is offering "kid-free zones" on their planes, also known as "entitled butthole zones."

Sen. John McCain calls the president of Iran "a monkey." YEEEEEEESH. Good morning, diplomacy!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Sunny and 49 today, cool and showery weather returning tomorrow.

And finally, regardless of what anyone tells you, THIS is the best Super Bowl commercial, shown in only three cities. Will Ferrell returns in the most sexy and romantic Old Milwaukee ad yet!

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