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Thursday, February 7, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Thu, Feb 7, 2013 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I was born from love and my poor mother worked the mines. I was raised on the good book Jesus—till I read between the lines. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The U.S. tightens the screws on Iran, leveling more economic sanctions in an effort to make them cut that shit out in regards to their nuclear program and human rights abuses.

Confirmation hearings for CIA nominee John O. Brennan begin today, and for lovers of awkward? Just wait for the questions and his responses about drone attacks!

Speaking of drones, President Obama is trying to head off a drone revolt from Congress by sharing secret documents which he hopes will prove that the program is on the legal up-an-up.

Hackers break into the Federal Reserve—and unsurprisingly the Feds are saying, "Ha! Ha! Ha! Seriously, guys. No big deal."

Today in gun nuts: A former LA cop is suspected of shooting three officers this morning. In a letter the suspect wrote to the police department, he said, "I will bring unconventional and asymmetrical warfare to those in LAPD uniform whether on or off duty." Oh, boy.

Fairly rotund Gov. Chris Christie blasts a doctor for saying that his weight is unhealthy and he could die from it (AKA "the truth").

A "historic" blizzard could be on its way to the Northeast—call your mom and dad, and tell them to make sure they have enough propane in the grill.

Some survivors of the Aurora, CO "Dark Knight" movie theater shooting are being harassed by conspiracy theorists who want them to confess that the shooting never happened. (AND that fluoride is a poison/inside job that brought down the twin towers!)

In local news, Chief Mike Reese tells the O that the reason he chose to demote former Captain Todd Wyatt (accused of inappropriately touching women employees in a meeting) rather than fire him was because he didn't believe the touching was "sexual in nature." Something tells me the touching wasn't "high fives."

In celeb gossip, Rihanna continues to troll the American populace by showing up with Chris Brown at his probation violation hearing. STOP IT, RIHANNA! IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Possibly a shower today, but mostly sunny for the next few days. (Except for Saturday. BOOOOO, Saturday!)

And finally, this is exactly how I wake up every morning. (BTW, while this kid is clearly the best, his sister is clearly a very close second.)

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