This Week in the Mercury

Broccoli, Ballads, and Barry

Music

Broccoli, Ballads, and Barry

An Interview with Barry Manilow


Sold Out

Columns

Sold Out

An Open Season Preview



Friday, February 8, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Fri, Feb 8, 2013 at 9:29 AM

So you maybe heard something about the full-throttle, hyper-charged manhunt for the unhinged, manifesto-writing former Los Angeles cop wanted for shooting and killing three people, including other officers? It's getting weirder and weirder. Yesterday, a mother and daughter delivering newspapers, one 71 years old, the other 47, were shot up by panicky cops because their car looked like Chris Dorner's.

Dorner's actual truck was found last night in the woods outside Big Bear, a cozy little ski resort town in the mountains surrounded by a tangle of fire lanes and tiny roads. Snow is falling over the town, in lockdown now, as cops from all over Southern California descend on the place for what threatens to be a cinematic climax.

The Northeast is expected to vanish, briefly, today under a feet-deep white blanket of SNOWPOCALYPSE!!!!

Senator Ron Wyden chewed up and spat out Barack Obama's CIA nominee over the drones we're using to kill kids in the Middle East and about all the torture we've not really properly disavowed. Even a high-ranking Senate Republican, meanwhile, says the drone program may not be lawful and defies "American values," so, you know, it might also be opposite day.

The government's war apparatus desperately wanted to funnel aid and arms to the rebels fighting Syria's protracted civil war. Barack Obama personally vetoed the idea.

Republican governors pretend like they hate federal health care reform and bluster a lot. But guess who's lining up at the trough of Medicaid expansion all the same, even though the Supreme Court told them they didn't have to? Yeah, that's right. Republican governors.

Police Chief Mike Reese has said the inappropriate touching of female subordinates' legs that got a senior cop demoted and sent to the sex assault unit—but not fired—wasn't sexual because that's not how Todd Wyatt meant it. Labor lawyers and experts say it doesn't matter how Wyatt meant it and that if the victims thought it was sexual, then it was sexual.

An electrical relay expressly meant to prevent a power outage at the Super Bowl was actually what caused it. In case you still, or ever, cared.

Hitler painted. And, now, so does George W. Bush. Self-portraits. Of himself bathing. Because apparently that's a cheaper way to purge than therapy. Thank a hacker named Guccifer, who busted into the Bush family emails and turned up a creepy treasure trove of the political clan's inner thoughts and private lives.

An asteroid the size of an office building will skim the Earth's atmosphere today. Closer than the moon and even some humanmade satellites. No big whoop. And if it shaves closer than expected, that's what motherfucking nukes are for!


Comments (4)

Showing 1-4 of 4

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-4 of 4

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy