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Friday, February 8, 2013

SL Letter of the Day: You Cucked Up

Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Feb 8, 2013 at 10:29 AM

Your column is the first thing I turn to in the Voice every Thursday. I had to write because your advice to CUCK last week was way off. The poor guy was asking you to help him navigate his kink—which is an emotional minefield—and all you did was give him a hard time for being “confused.” Don't people write to advice columnists BECAUSE they're confused?

CUCK and his girlfriend laid out some rules for sleeping with other people and those rules—which were not specified in CUCK's letter—seem to have been broken: his girlfriend got drunk and "confessed" to breaking their rules. Give the guy a break! He gets off on his girlfriend messing around with others, he's trying to figure it out how to make that work in a real relationship, and you're beating him up over "poly/cuckold" semantics!

Full disclosure: I'm a gay guy, and I totally get off on the idea of my beautiful beloved fucking the daylights out of someone else. Once I come, though, just the thought of his sweaty bodies intertwined with someone else’s makes me want to punch everyone's lights out.

Human Sexuality Is Confusing

My response after the jump...

••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Indeed it is, HSIC. I’ve been writing about sex for twenty years—I started writing this column at age 14—and human sexuality confuses me still. My own sexuality confuses me from time to time.

That said, I stand by my advice to CUCK: if his discussions with his girlfriend about his kink—during dirty talk while they had sex, during negotiations about making his fantasies a reality—were anywhere near as confusing as his letter, HSIC, it’s no wonder things went off the rails. I think he should give his girlfriend the benefit of the doubt and that they should both be much clearer with each other about what’s okay, what’s not okay, what being a cuckold means for him, what being with a cuckold allows for her, and they need to keep those lines of communication both open and clear.

Bonus letter...

Please, enough with the letters from breeders! You're queer, I'm queer, a lot of us are queer. I check your column for fun, interesting questions each week. But more and more all I find are questions from wussy straight boys about their GF's tits, cunts, juices and—aarurguhhh—I just threw up a little in my mouth again! STOP! PLEASE!

I'm old enough to remember when being gay was risque, exciting, and fun. Now guys fucking other guys is about as edgy as Methodism. And the world wants to take away ALL the joy! It wants us to get married and have kids, forchristsake! They're not going to stop until we're as bored and miserable as they are!

Please, Dan, do your part! Ignore the breeders and bring back talk of sleazy, wild GAY fucking before I have to read another thousand questions from gross, disgusting STRAIGHTS. Let them get their OWN damn sex-advice columnist!

Miffed In Mpls

The letters from straight people aren't going anywhere, MIM.

Straight people, straight sex, straight problems, straight juices, straight aarurguhhh have always been featured in my column. Indeed, this column was originally conceived as being exclusively for straight people and exclusively about straight sex. It wasn't until about a year in that I started taking questions from other queers.

But it's it's an exclusively queer sex-advice column you want, MIM, you have some options.

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