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Friday, February 15, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Fri, Feb 15, 2013 at 9:29 AM

Space sent Soviet Russia a very loud (and slightly late) valentine last night, you've probably heard and seen everywhere on the internet by now. The meteor, which flared brighter than the sun and apparently exploded in the skies above Siberia, triggered a massive pressure wave that blew out untold windows and left hundreds of people injured. And thanks to Russia's charming fascination with dashboard cams—because Russians are jerky drivers—this whole thing probably rivals September 11 in terms of footage for conspiracy theorists to wank themselves over. The 2013 Russian Meteor Event (why are meteor strikes and clearance sales at car dealerships always called "events"?) already has its own wiki.

Oh, and yeah, I loused up
last week about that other giant space rock coming close to earth. It's today. And a total coincidence.

The South African Olympian famous for his prosthetic leg blades wept in court as he was formally charged with murder in the wee-hours shooting death of his model girlfriend.

White billionaires are secretly funding a state-by-state media campaign to stop the dread proliferation of wind farms and other dangerous renewable technologies.

Still seething that Barack Obama was re-elected homecoming king, Republicans at the dance have basically decided to start crapping in the punch bowl—taking the unprecedented step of filibustering his nominee for defense secretary.

Crude, deep, and automatic federal spending cuts—AKA "sequestration"—will probably be allowed to take effect despite some recent nibbles at negotiations. Why? So the public can see how bad really are, moan loudly, and thus persuade the GOP to strike a deal with the president.

Cruises sound awful even when the ship doesn't wind up drifting for days without power, plumbing, or air conditioning, collecting garbage and excrement and prayer groups, and then disgorging its dirty passengers in Alabama, where they'll face a long, smelly bus ride to New Orleans.

A former mayor of San Diego is broke and living with her sister after blowing through her dead husband's Jack in the Box fortune, getting caught stealing from charity, and then racking up $1 billion in gambling debts.

The new Sellwood Bridge will some day be a blessing for all the cheapskate Clackistan drivers who rely on it for reluctant access to the Portland Sanctuary and Vice District. But right now? It's absolute hell for the people who live in the noisy, dusty shadows of what's going to be a three-year construction project.

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