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Monday, February 25, 2013

SL Letter of the Day: Boys 2 Men

Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Feb 25, 2013 at 10:29 AM

Originally published June 16, 2005:

I started teaching high-school freshmen three years ago when I was 23. I was closer in age/culture to most of my students than I was to the other teachers. That first year I bonded with a lot of the students; in particular with a small group of boys that were on the basketball team I coached. A couple of these boys developed normal crushes on me-as any horny teenager would have on a mildly attractive female teacher. Since they were 14, I would laugh off their advances by jokingly telling them to "ask again when you're 18."

Well, these boys are now seniors and as their 18th birthdays approach they have taken to reminding me of what I used to say. I know I should laugh off these advances and see the innocent boys that they were instead of the hot men I watched them grow into. But we're talking varsity swimmer and soccer player HOT, Dan. Hot enough to put up with the gossip that would seep through this small town. And it's not just physical attraction-these model-quality guys have killer personalities too.

I have maintained professional and appropriate relationships with these boys over the years. But what about once they're legal and out of school? It seems like 27-year-old men hook up with 18-year-old girls all the time, while middle-aged men drool over the Olsen twins. Why can't I make an 18-year-old's dream come true?

Tempted Teach

My response after the jump...

Without a doubt there are lots of reasons I would make a terrible high-school teacher, but high up on the list would be my refusal to play along with our cultural schizophrenia when it comes to attractive 18-year-olds. The same culture that holds up teenagers or might-as-well-be teenagers as the beauty ideal-from Katie "Grin and Bear It" Holmes to Jude "Sexiest Man Alive" Law-penalizes anyone who admits to actually finding hot, legal 18-year-olds attractive. My refusal to pretend that 18-year-olds aren't (1) often hot, and (2) fair game would no doubt cause a scandal at whatever high school was stupid enough to employ me. So it's probably for the best that I'm not a high-school teacher. Instead I have a job that allows me to be honest with my employers about why I took a day off last week to watch 19-year-old Spanish tennis star/superbabe Rafael Nadal win the French Open.

But while I won't condemn you wanting to fuck the living shit out of a pack of totally hot, completely legal, soon-to-be-former students, TT, I don't think you should do it. Here's why: You live in a small town and you like your job. When word gets out-and those boys won't be able to resist telling their friends-your school will find a reason to fire you. School administrators in these litigious times aren't going to look the other way while a teacher bangs her former students. They're going to assume, perhaps rightly, that any teacher banging 18-year-old grads today may be banging 17-year-old juniors a few years down the road. At the very least they'll worry, perhaps rightly, that you invested years in grooming these boys and that you'll set your sights on a fresh crop of 14-year-olds. And if you ever did get caught fucking a 16-year-old current student, your bosses know they'll be fired too if it gets out that they knew you had slept with former students in the past.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear: I think it's totally fine for hot 27-year-old women to sleep with hot 18-year-old guys. If they're old enough to go get limbs blown off in Iraq, they're old enough to get blown stateside. But sleeping with 18-year-old former students carries too many professional risks, TT, for me to give my blessing.

But let's say I got a letter from a 27-year-old high-school teacher who was spending a couple of weeks in, say, Cancun, where she met some recent high-school grads who were totally hot and totally legal and totally not her former students. I would definitely tell that teacher to fuck those boys' brains out-and send me the video-so long as she observed the Campsite Rule. Older folks who mess around with younger folks have a special duty, TT, and it is to leave 'em in better shape than they found 'em. You don't make babies, you don't give 'em diseases, you don't lead 'em to believe that anything lasting is going to come of this. You answer their questions, correct any misconceptions they may have about sex, show them where the clit is, make sure they know that birth control is their job too.

Are you with me, TT? There are ways you can scratch your itch for a guy, or a few guys, or a few dozen guys, who are varsity swimmer/soccer player/Spanish tennis star HOT without risking your job. I mean, you get to go on spring break too, right?

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