The sequester! Today's the deadline! Things are happening fast! Politicians are meeting! Proposals are being exchanged but not seriously considered! Choice words of blame are being crafted! All hell (maybe... maybe not) is about to break loose!
Because you need something else to worry about when you're lying in bed and can't sleep, a sleeping Florida man was very likely killed last night when a sinkhole opened up under his bedroom and swallowed him deep into the unstable earth.
Dennis Rodman spent the past few days in North Korea just generally being awesome—and was asked by Kim Jong Un to lead a "sports exchange" between Pyongyang and the United States. Which, let's all hope to god or whatever, wasn't mistranslated from "nuclear exchange."
Syrian rebels and civilians have managed to hold on long enough in some parts of the war-torn country that people presume they're in charge, and so now they have to figure out how to act like it.
It was revulsion over Americans' "bloodlust," says Bradley Manning, the former soldier held for months on charges he furnished sensitive military records to WikiLeaks, explaining why he did it and then entering a guilty plea on 10 of 22 counts.
A little girl crossing the street in a part of East Portland seriously deficient of sidewalks died last night after she was hit by a car.
SpaceX, the private company that's been picking up the government's slack by shipping supplies to the International Space Station, is reporting some technical difficulties with the capsule it just launched this morning.
I just spit out my monocle! And sneezed all over my spats! Amtrak passenger rail service was the country's fastest growing transportation mode last year!
That's not what Zumba means. Except sometimes when it is...
Groupon's failure to keep its smarmy promotions from wrecking small businesses has cost the job of its CEO and founder. (Wait... what's that? Oh. It wasn't that at all. It was the $10 billion-plus drop in the company's valuation.) At least he was funny about it.
It's good! A woman from New York could seriously be signed as a history-making kicker in the NFL—shaking the very foundations of autumn Sunday chauvinism.
BENEDICT, THE POPE EMERITUS, IS REPORTEDLY ENJOYING THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF HIS LIFE.
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