GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I was with you when you didn't have no dollas, no dollas. Hangin' at the crib, chillin' with your momma, your momma. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
Black smoke is coming from the Vatican! Which means there's either no new pope, or someone put popcorn in the office microwave again. SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. STOP DOING THAT.
President Obama is not very optimistic about attaining a budget deal soon, saying that the parties are ideologically "too far apart." Which is a very nice way of saying that Republicans are greedy and hate poor people.
A boy drowns while swimming in a Disney resort pool, where no lifeguards were on duty.
Tehran is promising to sue Hollywood because they produce "anti-Iran" propaganda films, such as Argo. (Note to Tehran: What you're doing here is a great example of "anti-Iran" propaganda.)
Remember the SARS virus that killed hundreds in the early 2000s? IT'S BACK. (We gonna panic like it's 2003, y'all!)
On the South side of Chicago, a baby is killed by shooters while the father was changing her diaper. Obviously, this would've never happened if the baby had been carrying a gun.
To raise money, a little league baseball team is raffling off an AR-15 military assault rifle (very similar to the kind that murdered all those kids in Newtown). As a bonus, the winner also gets to accidentally shoot the entire team.
Tomorrow Samsung will release the new Galaxy S IV phone which, according to industry analysts, is badass and will probably outsell the iPhone. YES, BUT DOES IT SHOOT BULLETS?
Shanghai authorities are trying to assure residents that those 6,000 dead pigs that were found in the river will not affect the city's water supply. "After all," they said, "at least it's not fluoride, amirite?"
A bill to legalize same sex civil unions in Colorado passes the House of Representatives and is expected to be signed into law. So not equal—but sorta-ish equal.
For you Sellwood residents, don't forget that blasting begins tonight on the west side of the bridge. This is for construction purposes, and not because they hate you.
In sports, the Blazers fall to the Grizzlies, 102-97. On the upside, Mercury Blazer correspondent Bobby Roberts wrote a very good blog post about it! READ.
Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Light on and off showers continue with highs in the low 60s? BALMY.
And finally, here's that "Marty Stouffer" supercut you've been waiting for. (Wait... who are you again?)
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