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Friday, March 15, 2013

SEX SL Letter of the Day: Barely Legal

Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Mar 15, 2013 at 10:29 AM

Originally published March 16, 2006.

I am a 26-year-old lesbian in a relationship with a 21-year-old. We've been together for five years. She is a brilliant student with a bright future. I love her, but I feel that we need to part.

I am worried about how she would get along financially without me. While I don't totally support her, she couldn't pay rent and bills on her own without being fiscally miserable. She doesn't have friends she could move in with. She could just get a job like most college students, but then she'd have to give up many of the opportunities that she's earned by being a hard-working student.

Would it be wrong to help support her if I were to move out? Like I said, I love her very much, but I want to be on my own for a while.

Good Friend, Bad Girlfriend?

My response after the jump...

I'll get shitloads of angry e-mails if I don't make this point, so let's get it out of the way: She's 21, you're 26, and you've been together for five years? That means she was—oh, the humanity!—16 and you were 21 when you met. While red-blooded Americans love their barely legal lesbian porn, they frown mightily on barely legal, honest-to-God lesbian love. For shame, tut-tut, etc.

Okay, GFBG, if she's really that brilliant an undergrad, then your girlfriend can figure out how to take care of herself. A little fiscal misery, like a little barely legal lesbian action, is a cherished part of the college experience—and putting her own ass through college can be every bit as educational as those other opportunities she's earned through her hard work.

So split, GFBG—unless...

You know, something about your letter sticks in my craw. What 21-year-old college student doesn't "have friends she could move in with"? If she has college-age friends, then she surely has friends or friends-of-friends looking for roommates. I'm concerned that she may have no friends at all other than you. If that's the case, GFBG, then you have been a very bad girlfriend. As the older and wiser woman, it was your responsibility to encourage your then-teenage lover to have a well-rounded social life—in other words, friends in addition to a girlfriend. If you didn't do that, GFBG, if you consciously or subconsciously attempted to isolate your young girlfriend, if you discouraged her from making friends she could rely on if, say, you ever dumped her, then you are in large part responsible for her predicament. If that's the case, then you're morally obligated to offer her short-term financial support once you split. Enough money to cover rent for six months would give her the time to find a job, make some friends, and get on her feet.

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