This Week in the Mercury

Round Two

News

Round Two

The Ongoing Fight Over Airbnb Cash


You're Gonna Want to Tap That

Food and Drink

You're Gonna Want to Tap That

Burgers and Wine Work Together at Coopers Hall Winery and Taproom



Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Mar 20, 2013 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I feel the night explode when we're together. Emotion overload in the heat of pleasure. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

President Obama visits Israel (the first such trip of his presidency) to a) show his support, and b) do what he can to jump start the stalled peace talks with their neighbor Palestine. Bring me back something!

The US ambassador to Syria says that so far, there is no proof that American backed rebels used chemical weapons in Northern Syria... but the investigation continues. (Spoiler alert: The Syrian government LIES.)

The executive director of the Colorado prison system is shot dead at his door, with few clues left behind.

And right on cue, the Governor of Colorado signs bills into law that require more stringent background checks for gun sales while banning ammo magazines that pack more than 15 rounds.

Remember Guantanamo? That Cuban detention camp that Obama promised he was going to shut down? More and more prisoners are going on hunger strikes to protest the fact that they will probably NEVER be set free.

South Korea is under cyber attack—possibly from North Korea—as many of their TV stations fall victim to hackers. THIS MEANS NO RERUNS OF THE O.C. UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

After deciding their scheme to rob people of their savings in order to save the country didn't really pan out, Cyprus officials quickly switch to "Plan B"—before just as quickly discovering there is no "Plan B."

Stephen Colbert's sister wins her election in South Carolina, and as her first order of business, asks for people to stop referring to her as "Stephen Colbert's sister." Whoops. Sorry.

The student who planned on going on a murderous shooting spree at the University of Central Florida had a "to-do" list—which obviously he didn't finish.

Upscale department store Neiman Marcus admits that they sold "real" fur, but told customers it was "fake" fur. Wait... did I read that right? Yes, I did read that right.

In sports, if you like laughing at and booing Hooters' girls, then by all means check out these hilarious clips of Hooters girls trying to field balls at a Phillies game.

In gossip, Katy Perry and John Mayer have split up—for the second time. But I'm still not convinced. C'MON, YOU TWO LOVEBIRDS! GIVE IT ONE LAST TRY!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Today the weather is GROSS. Expect continued scattered grossness until Saturday.

And finally, I know you're really interested in being cool. That's why you should seriously take the advice of this second grader who wrote the definitive treatise on "How to Be Cool."

Screen_shot_2013-03-20_at_9.20.38_AM.png

Read the rest here, uncool person.

Comments (0)

Subscribe to this thread:

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy