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Monday, March 25, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Mar 25, 2013 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! 'Cause me say listen to the drum, a me say listen to the bass. Give me little music make me wind up me waist. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

After spending four years in jail on charges of murdering another student, an Italian court wants one more shot at convicting Amanda Knox. They must really like her!

A 15-year-old boy is facing a murder charge for the death of an infant during a botched mugging attempt. Unnngggghhhh.

A heavy display board in an Alabama airport crashes to the ground critically wounding a mother and killing the small son. UNNNNGGGGHHHH!

Republican Mississippi state representative Jessica Upshaw is found dead of an apparent suicide.

Financially fucked Cyprus reaches a deal with the EU, and stocks around the globe rally. WHAT A WORLD WE LIVE IN.

Along with hot button topics such as same-sex marriage and abortion, the Supreme Court is also taking on affirmative action. Let's get it all done at once! (I'd like to take an early lunch.)

Will Portman—son of "hey, now I like gays" Senator Rob Portman—pens an editorial about coming out.

Even after being convicted of 45 counts of sexually abusing children, former Penn State assistant coach Jerry Sandusky refuses to admit he's a goddamn creep.

A female Florida sheriff's deputy spots a seven-foot-long alligator trying to break into a middle school, lassos and wrestles it into submission. Top that, PPB!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Partly sunny with highs in the low 60s (!!) today and tomorrow, before light showers return on Wednesday.

And finally, it's time once again to play "Alien or Sloth?" Who ya got?!? (Whichever it is, it's having the best time of its life.)

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