This Week in the Mercury

The Best of Worst. Night. Ever!

Feature

The Best of Worst. Night. Ever!

Mercury Staffers are Sent on the Worst Assignments of their Lives... by YOU


Up & Coming

Music

Up & Coming

This Week's Music Previews



Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Mar 27, 2013 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! She was a black haired beauty with big dark eyes, and points of her own sittin' way up high. Way up firm and high. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The Supremes revisit the same sex marriage debate again after a fairly terrible first day, with today's question being "should same-sex couples are entitled to federal benefits?" This begs the question, "WHY ARE WE EVEN ASKING THIS??"

Even worse, the justices could sidestep making a ruling on same-sex marriage altogether, making all of this a colossal waste of time.

North Korea says it is cutting off communications with the South Korea military—but they'll still keep in contact via Facebook.

A blitz of attacks launched by the Afghanistan government ends in the deaths of 52 Taliban members with many others either wounded or arrested.

A possibly bullied Idaho boy is accused of planning to murder his schoolmates.

Another member of Seal Team 6 comes forward to offer his own and different account of Osama bin Laden's death. Oh, great... now I have to watch another Zero Dark Thirty?

Hunters across America say they're going to boycott Colorado because of their new gun control legislation. In a related story, BOO-HOO-HOOO and HA-HA-HAAAAA!!

Former CIA head David Petraeus finally gets around to apologizing for the his extra-marital affair.

Today in GAAAAAHHH!! A four-year-old boy is found in an apartment—along with a decomposing corpse. GAAAAHHHH!!

Actor Jared Leto receives a fan's severed ear in the mail. (I bet it belongs to Angela Chase!) (That's a My So-Called Life joke.) (Forget it.)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: A touch of showers today and tomorrow, but HOLY SHIT! LOOK AT THIS WEEKEND!!

And finally, to celebrate the Mercury's "Bob Seger Issue" (coming out today!), here's the greatest Bob Seger song EVARRRRRR!! (Sorry, "Night Moves".)

Comments (2)

Showing 1-2 of 2

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-2 of 2

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy