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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

SL Letter of the Day: Gay Hahaha

Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Mar 27, 2013 at 10:29 AM

Since everybody who calls your show seems to state how they identify themselves, I will do the same: I am a 40-year-old, very-open heterosexual African American male. I'm not really sure if this is a question or just a statement to see if there are more men out there like me.

I have always been very open and adventurous sexually. I enjoy sensuous sex, rough sex, anal sex, water sports, and more. But I never had any real interest in gay sex. Recently, however, the thought of giving a guy oral started to really excite me. I don't find men sexually attractive. I believe I'm more excited about the freedom and "no limits."

The first time I thought about it I went on Craigslist just to blow a guy but chickened out. And I never thought about it again until recently when I went to a sex club with my girlfriend. She was blowing a guy while I was fucking her and then I started kissing her and sucking his dick at the same time. It only lasted for a little bit, but it was fun.

The next time was a prearranged threesome with my girlfriend and a male friend of hers. This time it was a little more direct. While she was blowing him, I sat next to her. Then I just started sucking his dick. I have not fucked or been fucked by a guy but that is something I want to try. I am also interested in sucking a guy off until he cums in my mouth. As I type this it sounds very gay hahaha. But in my mind I associate gay with being attracted to men. I don't feel a physical attraction to men. It's more like, "that seems fun I want to try it."
I understand I can identify myself however I want, but I am curious at how you look at it. And is this issue something you run across a lot? I would call your podcast but I have a pretty distinctive voice and would rather my friends not find out.

No Limits

My response after the jump.

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It does sound gay hahaha when one dude says he wants to suck another dude's dick, swallow another dude's load, and get fucked in the ass by another dude. But gay isn't the only thing it sounds like, NL. When a dude who has a girlfriend says he wants to suck dick, swallow loads, etc., and when that dude really and truly enjoys heterosexual sex, it sounds like bi hahaha.

There are a lot of guys like you out there, NL. That is, guys who love women sexually and emotionally but who're also turned on by a little man-on-man action now and then. Many of these guys say they're not interested in having relationships with other men, many are only attracted to certain bits and pieces of other men's bodies (usually the good bits and pieces), and many had their first experiences with other men during threesomes that involved a woman. They like limited—both sexually and emotionally—sexual interactions with other men. These guys are bisexual.

I'm not surprised that that bi hahaha didn't occur to you, NL, because your brand of male bisexuality—which is very common—contradicts a lot of the bi hype. Guys like you hear bisexuality described as the ability to have sex and fall in with either men or women. Since you're not capable of falling in love with a man, because you're not attracted to men in that way, you assume you can't be bisexual.

But you can be, NL, and you are.

Not all guys are bi hahaha like you are. There are plenty of bi men—and bi women—who can and do fall in love with both men and women. But you're not one of those bi guys, NL.

But bi you are.

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