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Thursday, March 28, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Dirk VanderHart on Thu, Mar 28, 2013 at 9:29 AM

Cypriots, whose keening over the government's freezing of their personal wealth has nagged at us from headlines for weeks, finally got to re-access their bank accounts today. The real fiscal mismanagement? No bank runs! There's nothing better than an old-fashioned bank run.

That staid sniffling, meanwhile, has led to a bonanza on Wall Street.

The awful facts of the December shooting in Newtown, Conn., are being aired afresh today, as search warrants from the case show the killer had a "chilling inventory" at his home, including swords and a newspaper clipping from another school shooting. The attack took five minutes.

In the wilds of the draconian east coast, it's getting so nowhere is safe to "fly Mexican Airlines," if you take my meaning.

All those gay rights successes we've been happy to see sprouting up throughout the country? Turns out they could prove a hindrance.

While Chicago's schoolchildren are Spring Breakin' it up, demonstrators are going to the mat for the future of their education. (And by the way, for a great primer on what education can look like in Chicago, listen to these.)

North Korea's continuing nuclear threats have the US sending stealth bombers to South Korea on a practice mission, a show of force likely to only make more-frothy the already befrothed lips and jowls of Pyongyang.

I, for one, welcome the presence of a mini horse in every public place. No exceptions.

You can now purchase a bike inspired by "Portlandia," but you NEVER SHOULD.

Speaking of bicycles, you know sometimes on that morning commute when the bike lanes and the traffic signals and the riding on two wheels become just sort of a burden? BlocBoi Fame feels your pain [NSFW].

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