This Week in the Mercury

Everything as Fuck
The Best of Charlie Hales' Voicemails

News

The Best of Charlie Hales' Voicemails

Portland's Mayor Apparently Gave You All Plenty to Complain About This Year



Friday, March 29, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Fri, Mar 29, 2013 at 9:29 AM

It's touching how a Republican congressman from Alaska used homespun nostalgia to reach out to Latinos, a constituency his party desperately needs to remain relevant: “My father had a ranch. We used to hire 50 or 60 wetbacks and—to pick tomatoes,” Don Young said. It's also touching how the newspapers are getting all dictionary precise to point out that Young couldn't have possibly meant the slur as anything but:

The term “wetback” is a slur often used to refer to illegal Mexican immigrants. Merriam-Webster defines it as “a Mexican who enters the United States illegally,” “from the practice of wading or swimming the Rio Grande where it forms the U.S.-Mexico border.”

The party of Lincoln, assassinated 150 years ago because of lax rules for Derringers, is now about to filibuster into oblivion another set of modest and largely impotent gun control measures.

North Korean generals wear very high hats when huddling in a war room filled with preteen-fantasy maps showing nuclear strike targets in the mainland United States.

After years of delay, and to the chagrin of oil and gas lobbyists who stayed up super late the past few days, the Obama administration is forging ahead with strict new rules for gasoline and vehicle emissions.

Don't worry too much but the great big bumblebee die-off is getting worse.

The wild-eyed suspect in last year's shooting massacre at a Colorado movie theater has offered to plead guilty if only the government promises not to execute him. But the government isn't ready to make such a promise.

An American veteran was arrested after coming home from a stint fighting alongside Syrian rebels who might be backed by Al-Qaida.

Some allegedly drunk driver in North Portland last night drove his car clean through an industrial building out on Interstate.

Michelle Shocked, the old-timey singer who made the anti-gay comments in San Francisco this month, bizarrely showed up at the site of her cancelled show in Santa Cruz last night, wearing scrubs and a spit sock and sunglasses and duct tape.

Don't read this story if you have a preternatural fear of seeing the dentist. Jesus.

Speaking of Jesus, ... wait ... the new pope was caught fondling and kissing the feet of helpless child prisoners? Am I missing some important context on that?

Speaking of Jesus, it's Good Friday. And maybe I'm wrong, but do you really love Someone when the big thing you on the anniversary of Their murder is to dress up in robes and re-enact it?

GET WITH THE REASON FOR THE SEASON! IT'S CALLED CHOCOLATE!

Comments (9)

Showing 1-9 of 9

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-9 of 9

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy