This Week in the Mercury

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Cutting Homelessness in Half


Cutting Homelessness in Half

Portland's Got a New Plan to Slash Its Homelessness Crisis—But Is That Even Possible?

Saturday, March 30, 2013

This Week in Sex

Posted by Rose Finn on Sat, Mar 30, 2013 at 10:29 AM

Every week, lawmakers and law breakers get real mad about all the sex they're not having, and it's been an especially busy one, and not just for marriage equality! Here's the recap of the other news in sex:

Aaron Jackson, who runs a charity organization called “Planting Peace,” bought the house across the street from the Westboro Baptist Church last week, and is painting it into one big-ass rainbow flag. After reading news headlines about Westboro Baptist Church slandering gays and picketing the Stony Brook Elementary Memorial, Jackson looked up Westboro on Google Earth, and saw that the house across the street was for sale. It will become an “Equality House,” where volunteers can raise money and awareness around the world to manage their anti-bullying programs. Westboro minister Fred Phelps said in response, “Fuck you guys! Y’all can suck my dick! Wait a minute…”


While we adults drove to work, came home, and burped up that weird taco we ate for lunch, a 6th grader garnered national attention for his fight in court for equal rights. Twelve-year-old Mathew Lannon gave a speech to a Rhode Island court this weekend about marriage equality. Lannon has two homosexual parents, who have been in committed relationships for the past 14 years. “Marriage is about two people that love each other. Both of my parents fit that description,” said Lannon. This teaches us that hate isn’t just something you learn in grade school or even college; it’s a feeling that grows on you over time, like fungus or eczema.

In other 12-year-old news, one cheerleader taught us that it’s not just Catholic Priests that have all the fun. Ex-NFL Titan cheerleader Elizabeth Garner was charged with sexual assault against a 12-year-old boy in a bathroom during a party last month, hosted by the boy’s mother. She grabbed his crotch and reportedly asked if he’d “ever been with a woman.” To which the youth replied, “No, and now I’ll probably never be.”


Hulk Hogan has made a public announcement that he’d be “willing” to fight recently outed transgender fighter Fallon Fox. The Huffington Post reported Hogan telling TMZ, “I'll whip her...I mean, I'll whip him. I'll whip her... I'm confused." Hogan shows us that even the biggest idiots can still be tolerant.


Ever thought about Bill Gates while you boned? Well, soon you might! Grand Challenges in Global Health, a subsidiary of the Bill and Melinda Gates’ foundation, is ponying up $100,000 for the next best-feeling condom that can rival the sensation of sex sans condom. Side effects may include awkward conversation and hard drive crash.


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