This Week in the Mercury

Lauren Groff's Scenes from a Marriage


Lauren Groff's Scenes from a Marriage

Fates and Furies: How Well Can You Ever Know Another Person?

Everything as Fuck

Monday, April 1, 2013

The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o' the Day!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Apr 1, 2013 at 2:59 PM

Loud-mouth Last Thursday drunkards? BEWARE.

One night last summer at about 1:00am, a group of you woke me up with a loud argument about where you'd parked your car. You were a few houses down by the time I began following you, and I remained hidden for at least 20 minutes as you bickered and stumbled around the block looking for your fully Yakima'd Subaru Outback. By the time you found it, I was convinced that all four of your party were incapable of driving it and I took matters into my own hands: I called 911 and reported your ass for drunk driving. As soon as I hung up I fired up my police scanner app and got to hear, a few minutes later, a car fitting your description getting pulled over. One suspect, taken into custody for DUII.

I felt so good about this, I've re-arranged my work schedule for this summer. That means I'll now get to stay up late every Last Thursday hunting you assholes down and feeding your plate numbers to the po-po. Happy trails, shitbirds!

Vigilante justice? Or hometown hero? You be the judge! And while you're weighing in with your opinion, be sure to drop off your own rant or confession to the I, Anonymous Blog—where masked vigilantes are the rule rather than the exception.



Subscribe to this thread:

Comments are closed.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy