This Week in the Mercury


Tuesday, April 2, 2013

SL Letter of the Day: Her Little Pudding Pot

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Apr 2, 2013 at 10:29 AM

I'm a girl in my twenties who tries to be GGG. My boyfriend and I have an awesome sex life; I happily indulge his many kinks, including keeping his cock locked up in a chastity device, encouraging his cross dressing (I'm a seamstress, so I've even made some of his outfits!), and pegging. In exchange I get the quality vanilla sex I crave and have an affectionate, loving, doting boyfriend who brings me coffee in bed and generally treats me wonderfully. I know this relationship owes a lot to you; if it weren't for the fact I've been reading your column since I was fourteen his kinks might have been a deal breaker. As it is I've accepted them and we mutually do everything we can to keep each other happy.

The problem is with the pegging. No matter what we do there's always more than a little santorum. Even of he skips eating that day, even if he makes sure to use the toilet before we begin. No delicate way to put this- it's gross. We've talked about the possibility of him trying enemas but I know that there can be side effects if overused and it seems a little extreme.

Is there some other option we're overlooking? And, if not, what's the safe way to use enemas to ensure he doesn't do himself any harm? We usually have strap on sex once every week to two weeks, if that matters. Any advice you could get would be greatly appreciated.

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My response—and a bonus letter—after the jump...

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It doesn't sound like you're trying to be GGG, NCSO, it sounds like you are GGG—and, thankfully, it sounds like your boyfriend isn't one of those stupid, selfish kinksters who gives all kinksters everywhere a bad name. He's not taking his GGG partner for granted, he isn't neglecting your need for quality vanilla sex (perhaps that chastity device helps keep him focused on your needs), and he's just generally not doing the sort of stupid, selfish, shortsighted shit that makes vanillas everywhere think twice about dating kinksters. (Here's an example of a stupid, selfish, ruining-it-for-all-kinksters-everywhere kinkster from the "Savage Love" archives.) But here's what I like most about your letter: it shows that the advice I gave to non-kinky partners in this response/retort actually works under real-world/real-relationship conditions.

And here are a few tips for solving your santorum problem:

1. Fiber. If your boyfriend's ass functions like a pot of rancid chocolate pudding—you can't dip a finger in there without it coming out coated with stankslime—then he first needs to look to his diet. Is he getting enough fiber? Is he regular? Is he taking solid/manly craps? If the answers to those questions are no, no, and no, then your boyfriend should drink more water, eat more fresh fruit and veg, and take fiber capsules. Solid, regular bowel movements = empty ass, empty ass = santorum-free pegging.

2. Douche. There's a step between doing nothing—and getting santorum all over your strap-on—and a flush-your-guts-out enema. Buy your boyfriend one of these, have him clean out his rectum before you peg him, and you should be able to peg him without worrying about an unwelcome "visit from the senator." There are good instructions on how to use a douche bulb at Smitten Kitten.

3. Female condoms. If all else fails, NCSF, get some female condoms. (Yes, Virginia, you can use them for anal sex.) Lube his ass up, stuff a female condom in, and peg his ass. The female condom stays in place while you fuck him—you'll basically be fucking the condom—and any santorum that might be lurking inside his ass won't be on your dildo when you pull out because you're going to pull your dildo out of the female condom, NCSF, leaving it in place/in his ass. Lock his cock back up when you're done and send him to the bathroom to remove the female condom on his own. If there's any mess you won't have to see or smell it and he can clean himself up before coming back to bed.

And here's a bonus letter...

My daughter will be turning 15 in a few weeks. My husband and I have worked hard to raise her in a much more open and supportive envoronment than we were. I have had many short conversations with her about sex over the years, given her age appropriate books on sexuality from an early age, and enrolled her in the junior high Our Whole Lives program (an amazing program). I have also told her that she could ask me anything.

Last night she came to me and said, "You know how you said I could talk to you about anything?" I said "absolutely" and waited for the bomb to drop. She told me that she sometimes touches herself. (Me: "Totally fine. That's how you learn about your body.") Then she showed me a handle to an electric beard trimmer and said, "Sometimes I use this." (Oh good lord!) I asked her if she wanted me to buy her a real vibrator, and she happily nodded yes.

Dan, I don't have any questions. I just wanted to say thank you. The question about moms buying vibrators for their daughters came up in a recent "Savage Love," and I have been thinking about it since then. There were a wide range of opinions in the comments section, so I know this isn't the right thing for everyone, but apparently it is for my daughter. I'm so glad I read that column and the comments this ahead of time and have had time to think about it. If this had come at me from out of the blue, I highly doubt I would have handled it nearly as well as I did. Tonight we will be heading over to do some online shopping at Babeland.

Girls Should Masturbate Too

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