We're technically overdue for a recession, even if it doesn't really feel like we ever stopped enduring one. Exhibits A-D: Jobs numbers that came in about half as good as expected, hundreds of thousands of people leaving the workforce, "sequestration," and government cuts making private employment gains look even worse in the aggregate.

We're technically overdue for a pandemic. A brand-new strain of bird flu is killing humans in China. It hasn't, not yet, at least, been transmitted human-to-human.

We're technically overdue for limited nuclear war. North Korea is warning foreigners to quit Pyongyang by the 10th of April and moving missile launchers to the coast closest to Japan.

We're technically overdue for a global environmental catastrophe. Once more, the cooling system at a quake-damaged nuclear power plant in Japan has failed, setting a two-week ticking clock to total meltdown.

Eh. I can't keep up that device. So here it is straight. An illegal building collapsed in India, killing close to 50 people.

Hey, Barack. That was pretty sexist, what you said there about California's attorney general. Nice example for your kids.

The Rutgers administrator who fired his abusive, gay-slur-hurling basketball coach only after the damning video he sat on for five months went public has, unsurprisingly, also been fired.

Two more US senators officially came out for marriage equality today, bravely following dozens of their colleagues, and the president and vice president, and way too many other people to count, and also a years-long, convincing tide of public opinion.

Girls younger than 17 shouldn't need a prescription to obtain Plan B contraceptives, a federal judge has ruled—calling the Obama administration rule, which came over the objections of the FDA, a bunch of political hogwash.

With a peculiar zeal for jailing debtors, according to the ACLU, Ohio is now an even worse to live while poor.

HEY LOOK! SOMEONE'S HOME MOVIE ABOUT SOME CUTELY DORKY GRANDPARENTS IS EMBEDDED ON A NEWSPAPER BLOG THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY! ALSO, POSTERITY AND POSTERIOR ARE VERY SIMILAR WORDS! THANKS GRANDPA!