Ooof, the people of Portland's chain restaurants aren't taking their happy pills lately, as evidenced by the I, Anonymous Blog. (Not to mention what some miserable sack of excrement said to the insanely funny Todd Glass. Behave yourselves out there.)
Hey, bro-esque gentleman of the goatee-wearing variety at Panda Express today, I sure hope you read this. As I was wolfing down my marginally edible meal of glossy chicken-like blobs and flavorless rice-like grains, you decided to address me, a complete stranger minding his own business. You said to me "Your grandma called, she wants her perm back," and walked away laughing with all your also pale-skinned goatee and fleece wearing normy buddies.
Meanwhile at the Starbucks:
You were sitting in the window, sneering out at me, and I accidentally made eye contact.(From "Starbucks Guy Who Flipped Me Off")
But then when I looked up again, you very deliberately raised your middle finger at me, scowling horribly.
Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!