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Monday, April 22, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Apr 22, 2013 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Been down so long, getting up didn't cross my mind. I knew there was a better way of life that I was just trying to find. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

As investigators dig deeper into the Boston Marathon bombing plot, they're discovering the suspects had even more tricks up their sleeves.

Though Boston bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev is currently unable to speak, he is answering questions from authorities by nodding his head.

Five people are dead in a wild and deadly apartment complex shootout south of Seattle.

Sequester cuts rear their ugly heads once again—this time forcing furloughs in the airline industry where 47,000 employees will be told to take some time off. Hope you like sitting around airports and eating Cinnabuns!

Rescuers race to save victims buried beneath the rubble from this weekend's massive earthquake in China.

A Turkish civilian helicopter goes down in eastern Afghanistan, and surprise! Nine are taken hostage by the Taliban.

The bass player for terrible band 3 Doors Down has been arrrested—no, not for making terrible music, but for vehicular homicide.

And the best story of the day in a week of awful stories is that Reese Witherspoon was charged with disorderly conduct for mouthing off to a State Trooper, asking him, "Do you know who I am?" "Yes, Ms. Witherspoon—who could ever mistake that butcher knife chin?"

Locally, here's how the Portland Police started their day. From the O: "Around 6:20 a.m., the man began throwing hatchets and knives at police, eventually using a canister of lighter fluid to set his room on fire, said Sgt. Pete Simpson, a police spokesman."

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Get ready for a GLORIOUS week, with plenty of sunny sun and temps in the mid-70s by Wednesday!

And finally....

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