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Friday, April 26, 2013

SL Letter of the Day: Wrong To Completion

Posted by Dan Savage on Fri, Apr 26, 2013 at 10:29 AM

I love your podcast and column. I never thought I would have a question for you but I do. Here's a little set up: I'm a 21-year-old man, I am straight, I have a longtime girlfriend. But recently I went on Casual encounters on Craigslist and saw that there is an abundance of gay men there who want to give straight guys anonymous blowjobs. My girlfriend is getting better at blowjobs but she has never given me a blowjob to completion. At most they last 2-3 minutes. She probably never will give me a blowjob to completion. But it's a thing that I would really like to experience.

At first I was looked at the posts on Casual Encounters because it was sort of fun. But I just made my own post and as you can imagine tons of gay guys replied right away and some of them seem very very eager to do this for me. I wasn't trying to be tease or anything, I just wanted to see if anyone would actually be interested.

So my question is this: Is this totally wrong? Am I being a huge dick-bag to my girlfriend? It realize this doesn't really make any sense but I don't thinking of getting blown by a guy as cheating or anything. It just seems like I'm jerking off in a new way because I'm really not attracted to guys. I know that doesn't make any sense, but my brain has rationalized it this way. So what do you think, Dan? Is this wrong?

Thank Very Much

My response after the jump...

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Sorry, TVM, but when you're having sex with a man—and oral sex is sex (even if you're on the receiving end (especially if you're on the receiving end))—you're not "jerking off in a new way." You're having sex in an old way. And if you're in a committed, sexually-exclusive relationship with your girlfriend, having sex with a person who isn't your girlfriend is cheating even if you're not attracted to the other person. Because another person's mouth ≠ a Fleshlight. And unlike all forms of legit masturbation, TVM, accepting blowjobs from strangers places you at risk of acquiring a sexually transmitted infection. And while you're free to place yourself at risk, you are not free to place your girlfriend at risk without first obtaining her consent. So, yeah, it would be wrong to get a blowjob from another guy. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

And here's another risk for you: What if you like it, TVM?

Let's say you meet up with a guy who gives amazing, spectacular, mind-blowing, sack-draining blowjobs. Are you going to settle for your girlfriend's feeble blowjobs after you've been blown to completion by someone who gives great blowjobs? Particularly once you've seen how easy it is to get good, free, enthusiastic blowjobs from strangers? No, TVM, you won't be able to settle. You'll have another ad up on Craigslist within a month.

Sorry, TVM, but if "right and wrong" is your concern—and that is how you framed the question—then you'll either have to pass on those free, enthusiastic, anonymous blowjobs-to-completion or you'll have to get your girlfriend's permission.

Publishers Weekly says American Savage is one of the "Best Summer Books of 2013." Please preorder my new book now, dammit!

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