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Tuesday, April 30, 2013

No, Train. Mermaids Are Still The Worst

Posted by Alex Falcone on Tue, Apr 30, 2013 at 9:59 AM

Hate is such a strong word, so I try not to use it very often. Here's a complete list of things I hate: Cupcakes, mermaids, end of list. And mostly I'm just disappointed in cupcakes for being so much worse than real cakes. So really, the only thing I hate is mermaids.

This Train song (sent to me by an alert reader who knows my feeling on creepy fish-women) doesn't do anything to sell me on them. The video features Michael Bluth walking around the Pro Bowl while a young Hawaiian boy plays his mini-ax and a mermaid swims around in the shallows. There is nothing sexy about this!

Please stop with the mermaid nonsense. Not only is it gross, it doesn't make any sense. If you breed animals, they don't evenly divide their bodies between the two parent species. A liger isn't just a lion head on tiger haunches. Since they couldn't have been bred this way, they must be the product of some kind of unholy human-fish-centipede experiment. STOP ALLOWING THIS TO EXIST IN POP CULTURE!

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