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Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, May 1, 2013 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Don't - don't - don't - don't stop the beat, I can't - can't - can't - can't control my feet. P - p - p - people in the street, c'mon everybody and move your feet. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

According to police, three additional suspects have been detained in the Boston Marathon bombing case, two are students from New Bedford, Massachusetts. MORE TO COME!

Because guns keep us safer, a five-year-old in Kentucky fatally shot his two-year-old sister. If only the two-year-old had been armed!

When Republican Senator Kelly Ayotte was explaining why she voted against background checks for guns (because of the burden on gun store owners), Erica Lafferty, the daughter of slain Sandy Hook principal Dawn Hochsprung, asked the senator, "I'm just wondering why the burden of my mother being gunned down in the halls of her elementary school isn't as important." OUCH.

Workers around the world are rallying today for improved working conditions for all—including a march scheduled this afternoon in Portland. Happy May Day, everyone!

Another rape in India—this one so horrible I can't even talk about it.

The death toll from the collapse of a Bangladeshi garment factory continues to rise, now topping 400.

A woman in Southern California tries to poison orange juice on a Starbucks shelf.

Scientists discover proof that some early American colonists were—gulp—CANNIBALS.

As Denis reported yesterday, Multnomah County Chairman Jeff Cogen is PISSED at Mayor Charlie Hales regarding his plans to cut hundreds of thousands of dollars from county social service programs. READ IT HERE.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: 72 today and creeping up to a very balmy 85 by Sunday! SPF LOL ROTF!

And finally, don't you hate it when you're trying to drink some orange juice from Starbucks and someone tells you it's been poisoned?

In the realm of "spit takes" that was a classic "dribble take." BRAVO, SIR!

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