President Obama's sort of mucking things up, lately, everybody. A rundown:

-Obama's Justice Department, it turns out, surveilled the phone records of more than 100 Associated Press reporters last year, an attempt to identify a leak.

-We're pretty conservative here at GMN, and it boils the blood to learn guys like us have been disproportionately scrutinized by the IRS. States' rights!

-To say nothing of this Benghazi business. Small government!

-And look! An accused American spy stationed in the US Embassy in Moscow has been detained by Russian authorities. Russia says Ryan C. Fogle was carrying a letter aimed at recruiting a Russian agent.

The international media is in what feels like a frenzied, frothy mourning for Angelina Jolie's biological breasts, which she recently rid herself of to avoid possible breast cancer. To be fair, many outlets are also highly supportive of Jolie's transparency. She revealed the procedure today in a New York Times Op-Ed.

New Orleans police are searching for the man they believe opened fire on a Mother's Day parade, wounding 19.

The sun was angry that day, my friends.

The destruction of one of Belize's largest Mayan pyramids at the hands of soulless capitalism would be SUCH a good Captain Planet episode, right? I always liked Manny. HEART!

In case you missed it, authorities lost their shit yesterday, when a ballot "filled with suspicious white powder" was found at the Multnomah County Election Office. We've all lost our minds over this fluoride thing. Is it May 22 yet?

You all know I'm the Weather Widget's staunchest supporter and would never gainsay her, but I admit I am frustrated. She gave me so much hope this month, and is snatching it away one drizzly day at a time. I realize this is not rational, but that doesn't make it any less real. HEART!

And SERIOUSLY, guys. Make the right choice on fluoride.