My friend is one of those men trapped in a sexless marriage, in part because 14 years ago he chose to marry his plain highschool sweetheart—the hometown girl, the safe and expected choice—instead of marrying the erotic and trusted friend (me) who would've kept his life interesting. After rekindling our friendship for the past year and ironing out some old hurt feelings, I offered to be his discreet private whore. In return I want to see three pictures first: his wife's clothed body neck down, the bras and panties in her dresser, and the vibrator he bought for her. I never met her and I never will. He is uncomfortable with my request, saying he doesn't want to bring his wife into it. His refusal is a "deal breaker" for me. He fantasizes about hot sex and my fantasy is to see what he's actually getting at home. By him not showing her face or nakedness I feel that I'm respecting her privacy. Do you think I am asking for too much?

Erotic Friend's Fotos I Need Getting Mutual Pleasure

My response after the jump...

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It's been a long day and I'm rillyrillyrilly beat and I'm probably going to be a total bitch, EFFINGMP, so... continue to read at your own peril, I guess.

You sound insane and this guy would be a fool to fuck you.

I'm not saying you are insane, EFFINGMP, only that you sound insane. And this demand you're making—this deal breaker of yours—is what's making you sound like a crazy person. Somehow it's not enough for this guy to violate his marriage vows and violate his wife by fucking you. Those standard-issue violations apparently won't do. No, no. You want this guy to violate his wife's privacy and, if the affair is ever found out, her ability to believe that her husband ever truly loved her.

And this guy has to be thinking to himself, "If she's crazy enough to demand those photos, she's crazy enough to send them to my wife if the affair ends badly." If he isn't thinking that, well, then he's a fool who'll probably fuck you.

Look, EFFINGMP, I'm down with kinks and in some circumstances I'm down with cheating and I'm on the record saying that people in sexless marriages may have grounds to cheat. But I'm against unnecessary and gratuitous cruelty—even in cases of sexless marriages—and that's what you're essentially demanding from this guy. Unnecessary and gratuitous cruelty.

So, yeah, I do think you're asking too much, EFFINGMP—and it's the kind of indiscreet ask that disqualifies a person for the position of "discreet private whore." Or it should anyway.