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Friday, May 24, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 9:29 AM

A bridge on Interstate 5 collapsed into the Skagit River north of Seattle, sending cars into the cold water but somehow managing not to kill anyone. The early theory is that a truck with an oversize load hit a steel beam on its way through. Is it too soon to talk about infrastructure and decay and austerity? It's apparently not too soon to stump, up in Washington, for the troubled Columbia River Crossing project much closer to home.

Crap your pants!
It's okay! Researchers are pretty sure a new bird flu strain that's killed 36 people in China spreads from human to human, and through the air, not just via direct contact.

The Boy Scouts took their half-step against homophobia by voting to let in gay kids. Rick Perry, the governor of Texas, reacts with predictable contempt and uses phrases like "flavor of the month" and "political correctness."

Anthony Weiner—hoping to move past his Twitter sexting legacy with a run for New York City mayor—still isn't so good at the internet. His campaign website, until it was fixed, prominently featured a picture of Pittsburgh.

A pilot was worried enough about a passenger at a Pakistani Airlines jet over Britain that the Royal Air Force was called out to escort it on an emergency landing. Everything was fine, though.

Who's helping Congress write financial de-regulation bills these days? Bank lobbyists! Because they know better, don't they?

Citigroup’s recommendations were reflected in more than 70 lines of the House committee’s 85-line bill. Two crucial paragraphs, prepared by Citigroup in conjunction with other Wall Street banks, were copied nearly word for word. (Lawmakers changed two words to make them plural.)

China, displeased over the prospect of war at its doorstep, has gently persuaded North Korea to return to nuclear armistice talks.

China's politburo also is maybe promising to loosen its tight hold on the country's economic reins.

The Russians have done some similar persuading in civil-war-torn Syria. Technical Bashar al-Assad reportedly will join peace talks in Switzerland.

"By the way," an Israeli general says, "if all that 'peace' business goes south, our tanks are standing by."

The CIA used to be an espionage outfit. Then, after the World Trade Center fell down, it flirted with a makeover as a paramilitary agency. Maybe it's time to get back to feeling more like its old self.

Pot smoking? Who cares. But throwing a bong out the window? That's legitimately dangerous. Amanda Bynes was rapped by New York cops for both.

The sad suburban drunks who haunt TGI Fridays get what they deserve: dyed rubbing alcohol passed off as top-shelf scotch.

ONLY ONE OTHER PERSON HAS EVER VIEWED THE FOLLOWING. THAT'S OKAY. THE SENTIMENT IS SWEET AND PURE. A LONG WEEK IS OVER. AND THE END IS NEAR. SMILE.

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