Yay! Almost half the nation will block its poorest citizens from reaping benefits of Obamacare—largely because of objections from Republican lawmakers. People who are doing fair-to-middling, meanwhile, will be eligible for assistance. Smart policy!

Memorial Day weekend travel plans and a collapsed interstate bridge do not great bedfellows make.

Also, gang, an enormous truck hit a small bridge hundreds of miles away and caused its eventual destruction so that means we ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO BUILD THE COLUMBIA RIVER CROSSING.

Sometimes I'll demand that people call me "Stormborn" because of a suspicion I have that a light drizzle took place at the time of my birth. I am shamed, then, by a baby boy born amid the Oklahoma tornado that "bore the power several Hiroshima atomic bombs." This kid could easily own some dragons in the near future.

Gay rights are maybe coming to Russia and Ukraine! It's not going so hot, so far.

President Obama and Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel in recent days have told graduates of the country's military academies not to, you know, sexually assault their co-workers. Problem solved! Slam dunk, you guys.

The moneyed socialites in the Hamptons are sniffing with EXTRA indignity these days, as Hurricane Sandy has pushed Jersey Shore revelry northward. I've been to neither the shore nor the Hamptons, but I love this.

Apple computers are expensive. Even the crappy old ones without trackpads. Hey, people, it's the price you pay for the smart, intuitive design you've come to expect from Apple.

North Korea and China have a weird relationship—almost akin to that of the overly permissive mother and the toddler going apeshit in line at the Safeway and all I want to do is buy some yogurt and a loaf of bread. This trip to the grocery store, though, maybe little Ronnie shuts the fuck up and chills for once?

Thanks for being you, Clackamas County.

I know you guys think the Weather Widget and I are tight, and it's true we've been close in the past. But she's irking me these days, y'all. Just being sort of bitchy all the time, you know? It's like: I'm your friend, and as your friend I'm trying to be honest with you, but she doesn't want to hear it. Whatever.

I don't currently own a cat, but there are dozens in my neighborhood—including an unsettling one with no hair and the eyes of a person. Some of them are friendly, some of them are feral. They will all be my beard in coming days.