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Thursday, June 6, 2013

Ain't Going Out Like That: Ice Cream Edition

Posted by Dirk VanderHart on Thu, Jun 6, 2013 at 12:29 PM

Portland is all set to get its own, brief Ben & Jerry's flavor and, as best I can tell, the voting public is intent on screwing it up. Or maybe the ambiguous, confusing voting process—filled with bizarre false equivalencies, disgusting innuendo and arbitrary metrics—is doing the damage?

I don't actually understand how this is being tallied. Apparently job postings are going to have a hand in whether PDX ice cream has blueberries or cherries? And your choice of facial hair dictates whether the rest of us savor graham crackers or marshmallows? But then people can actually vote, too? And none of it really matters because the flavor's going to be available for one day only, and I shouldn't even be writing about this pandering publicity stunt?

But now I've fallen prey to some sort of competitive tug, where I want our flavor to kick other cities' non-Portland asses, and I just feel like we're not there.

Things I support, as voting currently stands:
-Caramel
-Graham Cracker
-Shortbread
-Some sort of coffee element, courtesy of Portland Roasting Co.

Things I do not support, as voting currently stands:
-Ice Cream base (because Greek fro yo is delicious)
-Vanilla (because Chocolate exists)
-blueberries (because neither they nor their counterpoint, cherries, are welcome in my ice cream)
-Rogue Ales (because what does that even mean, in an ice cream context that already includes coffee? And because the other choice is pretzels. PRETZELS.)

Is it too much to ask you all to make this right by either voting online or doing some of the convoluted bullshit the Ben & Jerry's people have decided count as actual votes (and who is counting those, I'd like to know)? Because I'll be honest. Seattle's flavor is NOT looking so bad.

And look! They turned Portlandia into an ice cream commercial.


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