1) Get yourself a sandwich! 2) Get yourself a drink! 3) An alcoholic drink! 4) Sit down, eat the sandwich, drink the drink. 5) Watch the premiere episode of the hilarious Drunk History (formerly a hilarious web series) debuting on July 9th on Comedy Central! 6) Laugh at this inebriated history of Washington, D.C. which drunkenly recounts the Watergate scandal, the Lincoln assassination, and Elvis meeting President Nixon. 7) Say, "Hey... that's Bob Odenkirk, Jack Brayer, Adam Scott, Dave Grohl, Jack Black and more!" 8) Drink another drink. 9) An alcoholic drink.

WATCH THE PREMIERE EPISODE OF DRUNK HISTORY HERE!