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Monday, July 1, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Jul 1, 2013 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! The words I'm singing now mean nothing more than meow to an animal. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

A wildfire in Arizona kills 19 firefighters—that's the most killed since September 11, 2001.

Think it's hot here? Temps in Las Vegas hit 117 this weekend, while in the aptly named Death Valley it got up to a sneaker-melting 128.

Egypt is in turmoil again, with anti-government protesters filling the streets and the military giving President Morsy 48 hours to step down—or he can expect another Arab Spring.

Former President George W. Bush returns to say something stupid, noting that NSA leaker Edward Snowden has "damaged the country"—this coming from "country damager #1."

An FBI audio expert will be testifying today in the George Zimmerman trial to try to help the jury figure out who's screaming in the 911 call—Zimmerman or Martin?

Colorado's new gun laws take effect today, which includes limits on ammunition magazines and universal background checks. And the gun nuts are all like this :(

Ohio's governor jumps on the anti-abortion bandwagon passing several controversial restrictions including forcing any woman who wants an abortion to undergo a trans-abdominal ultrasound. (Oh, he's also putting rape crisis centers in danger as well. I'm beginning to think he doesn't like women very much.)

In the Tour de France, a dog nearly causes a huge crash. LEASH LAWS, PEOPLE!! (And scoop your poop.)

Pro golfer Jessica Korda fires her caddie (and hires her boyfriend to carry her bag) in the middle of the US Women's Open. OH NO SHE DIDN'T!

Actor/martial artist Jim Kelly has died, and is best remembered for his roles in Black Belt Jones and Enter the Dragon.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: It's a HOT wave! Get ready for another two nights of sleeping in a sweat pool with back to back 94 degree days.

And finally, this guy is ready for summer... or is he?

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