My girlfriend Code Name recently met a male suitor and upon witnessing their courtship, an acquaintance took him aside and warned him, "You shouldn't date Code Name. Don't you know her sexual history?" That's so offensive. So WHAT if Code Name has dated men you've met before? That doesn't mean their wieners were any more or less special than the wieners of someone you haven't met! The blame hurt my friend and made her feel negative, guilty and lowered her self esteem. I hate when anyone feels bad about themselves, especially when they feel as though an extension of their physical body. My least favorite piece of misogyny this week is slut shaming.

Slut shaming, according to Communication theorist Leora Tanenbaum, is the implication that because a woman has had sex, or dresses in a certain sexual manner, she is “not worth knowing or caring about.” It enrages me because I think that EVERYONE is worth knowing and being cared about!

I hate the idea that anyone is somehow less worthy because they have laid with a man, as one lays with a man. That's like saying, "This virgin is no longer pure! Now what are we going to throw in the volcano?! No, not pop rocks! Not after... the incident." The notion of purity is ridiculous. Women aren't dirty or tainted if they've had sex. Women can enjoy and love sex the same way a man does, or more often, better.

Someone attempted to deter that same guy from dating Code Name, saying, "everybody's been there before" like she was a unicorn-themed bar that was so last year. The pronoun "there" literally reduces and dehumanizes a woman. And no one deserves to feel dehumanized, unless they're an evil ventriloquism dummy that a wizard magically turned into a human, in which case dehumanize away, because, um, creepy. And whether or not Code Name has slept with a gaggle of people is not the issue, but even if she had, (as long as she's safe and doesn't feel in danger) maybe a more logical reaction would be, "Oh great! She's probably awesome at sex!"

More after the jump!

The last gentleman I pursued was warned by a friend of his, "Don't ask her out! Don't you know she dated name-of-man?!" That really hurt my feelings to be solely identified by and villified for my sexual past. I have been called a slut constantly, incessantly, mostly on the internet, usually in the comments section of feminist humor pieces—wait why am I doing this to myself? Oh, right, the curse of the wretched scruples: my gift, my burden!

I don't like being called a slut or being objectified. (Weird, right?) I hate feeling reduced to an extension of my body and my sexuality because I struggle vehemently to believe that I deserve to exist, assert my voice and take up space. It's painful to believe that I am not entitled to be here, that my presence is somehow a mistake or hurting people. This guilt for taking up space has even bled into a guilt for taking up space on stage and has contributed to my huge body dysmorphia, pun intended. I feel as though I am incapable of being loved, because I don't merit existence in the first place. The real reason I loathe misogyny and the concept of dehumanization so fervently is that I don't want to feel shame simply for being alive. I do exist. Don't blame me... blame my mom for sacrificing a lamb to the dark lord.

Slut shaming, objectification and anything under the ugly umbrella of dehumanization is damaging not only to the woman in question but to women and society as a whole. It can greatly affect a woman's self esteem. Additionally, seeing other woman diminished reinforces a subconscious underlying belief that we are simply bodies. Ergo, it can perpetuate rape culture by reiterating the concept that we are physical things to be acted upon.

Guess what, women? We're multilayered complex human beings who deserve to take up space and exist. And men deserve to take up space too! Because human beings are not things. We're so much more than our physical self. We have the right to love, to be loved, to be known, to be heard. Please, feel good about yourself and your body and assert your ability to take up space! And if it offends you that I think everyone should feel empowered... well, just remember, I fucked someone to get this column.