This Week in the Mercury


Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Erik Henriksen's Worst. Night. Ever.

Posted by Marjorie Skinner on Tue, Jul 9, 2013 at 12:29 PM

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It's back! Welcome to the triumphant return of the Blogtown series we like to call "Worst. Night. Ever." Every Wednesday during our weekly "My, What a Busy Week!" pitch meetings, someone suggests an event which is the equivalent of throwing acid in our eyes—but we also realize a more enlightened person might love it! Hence, these "risky" events are often unfairly pushed aside. WELL, NO MORE. Instead of allowing what could be entirely worthy events to vanish forever, we're asking you—yes, YOU—the Blogtown readers to decide which of these events one of us should attend... whether we like it or not!

Every week an editorial staff member will be presented with three events that do not match their personality or interests... like, AT ALL. And here's the fun part: YOU will vote on and pick the event that must be attended by our unlucky staffer. Afterward he or she will review it right here on the blog! NOTE: Everyone's taste is different, right? So while Dirk might enjoy nothing more than a rousing afternoon of bike-based ballet, it might send Marjorie into rageful fits! That's why you might find a perfectly pleasant event or two in the list below. Also, competitors must stay for at least two hours (or until the event is over, whichever comes first) and are not allowed to get drunk, or use any substances (drugs) or distractions (phone/reading material) to dull the pain they may experience. Now let's see who is up this week:

Senior Editor Erik Henriksen's Worst. Night. Ever.

The trick with Erik is to play a game of opposites. For instance, does an all-expense, chef's choice (with wine pairings!) dinner at Toro Bravo sound like the makings of a potential Best. Night. Ever.? See, Erik would hate that. It would force him to deviate from his strictly limited diet of 1) Grilled cheese, 2) vegetarian pad thai, 3) pizza, 4) cereal, and 5) bagels. How about a super big party with like 300 people, 25% of whom were models? Sounds great, right? Nope. You'd find Erik hiding under the bed.

So, what does he like? Reading! Movies! Videogames! Comic books! Action figures! T-shirts with action fig—ZZZZzzzzzzz........

This should make it easier for you to make the right decision.

CAMP CASCADIA (Occupy Mt. Tabor)
This is a protest over the city's decision to stop fighting a federal mandate to cover our reservoirs. Promising "major rabblerousing," these activists are going to pitch up tents and make themselves comfortable for a looooong while. It is safe to assume that there will be a decent amount of crossover here with the anti-fluoride crowd, who will eat Erik alive when they find out how much he made fun of them. You also wouldn't be able to knock me over with a feather if there were some hand drums being played, some marijuana being passed, and Erik trying vainly to hide behind a tree. Oooooh, and protest chants! He will fucking hate this.

Latter Day Saints Single Adult Conference
Don't forget: Erik grew up in Salt Lake City, and has had lots of exposure to LDS culture... it's unclear whether this simply makes him immune to their irritations, or if he hates it so much he moved hundreds of miles away and is never going back. Your move. Friday night is the Portland Spirit cruise and mixer, which might sound pleasant if A) he knew anybody, which he won't or B) he could drink, which is not permitted in the ever-changing WNE bylaws—and besides, this cruise is only serving water, soda, and snacks. Oh right, and C) Erik hates mixing!

Portland Dance Festival
Don't be distracted by the fact that this arguably sounds fun: the Portland Dance Festival is a celebration of swing dance, line dance, and country dancing (isn't that the same as line dancing?). We are fairly sure that Erik is not especially schooled in these—or any—specific dances. However, no worries: There is a free beginners class scheduled at the festival's HQ (the airport Sheridan) on Friday night that would be just perfect for him.

Choose Erik's Worst. Night. Ever. wisely, Blogtown. Polling closes Thursday at noon!

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