Not a question, really. I just finished watching you and Andrew Sullivan doing the New York Public Library gig you did to promote your new book. It was so fascinating!
Almost forty years ago, I lost my virginity to the woman I have been married to for 33 years. We spent most of the six-year difference trying to prove that we weren't meant for each other. Fucking other people, getting back to each other, breaking up again, rinse and repeat. About three years after we got married, my wife had a one-night stand while I was on a business trip. It was so obvious when I walked in when I got home, it took me about 5 minutes to figure out it had happened (which speaks to how well we knew each other). What we found out at that point in our lives was that I was unable to tolerate infidelity. It was not an option for me. (And, indeed, I have been faithful for all of these years.) So we worked through it, took some time, and we have built a great marriage as well as a great financial partnership. Two successful grown-up kids, two adorable grandkids. But there is no question that the secret to our successfully monogamous relationship has been "GGG," which we were long before you coined the acronym.
I was a little bit Puritan when I got into the whole thing, and forty years ago, my wife essentially raped me that first time. (Oh, I wanted it, but I was scared to death of making babies and all that shit.) She has always been more overtly sexual than I am. Over the years, passing through the raising kids years and the empty nest years and the boomerang kids years and the post-menopausal years, the most important thing I have learned is that women really do treasure novelty. More than most men do—at least more than most straight men. All I really need to get off is a willing mouth or a willing pussy. It is harder and harder to get my wife off, but because I imposed the "burden" of monogamy on our relationship I had to step my game up again and again. Although it has pushed me out of my comfort zone a time or two, I am happy to report that the most mind-blowing sex I have ever had occurred this past Tuesday night.
We always have my elderly mother over for dinner on Tuesdays and when the doorbell rang, my beloved wife flipped up her skirt to show her graying pubic hair unencumbered by underwear, and then went and gave Mom a big hug. I don't think I have ever sat at the dinner table with my Mom with a hard-on, but when she (finally!) left, we had what we both agreed was the best sex in our entire lives. (I will omit the details, but it was to the sex we had in our twenties as a dial phone is to an iPhone 5. Several previously established boundaries were crossed with impunity.)
Anyway, we are really crazy about each other, and we have built a great life. But if you are hoping to wake up one morning and find that sex is no longer important to you, you are fooling yourself. It isn't the MOST important thing, but even at our ages (60), it is the oil that takes a lot of squeaks out of the rest of the machinery.
The lesson here? If you aren't willing to be monogamish, you better be willing to get kinky.
Having A Really Delightful Older Nookie
Thank you for sharing, HARDON—and thank you for not sharing. If your wife's graying pubes and that hardon you had during dinner with mom were details you were happy to share, my goodness, I'm not gonna guess at the details you felt obligated to omit!
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