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Wednesday, July 24, 2013

It's Denis Theriault's WORST. NIGHT. EVER!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Jul 24, 2013 at 10:59 AM


It's back! Welcome to the triumphant return of the Blogtown series we like to call "Worst. Night. Ever." Every Wednesday during our weekly "My, What a Busy Week!" pitch meetings, someone suggests an event which is the equivalent of throwing acid in our eyes—but we also realize a more enlightened person might love it! Hence, these "risky" events are often unfairly pushed aside. WELL, NO MORE. Instead of allowing what could be entirely worthy events to vanish forever, we're asking you—yes, YOU—the Blogtown readers to decide which of these events one of us should attend... whether we like it or not!

Every week an editorial staff member will be presented with three events that do not match their personality or interests... like, AT ALL. And here's the fun part: YOU will vote on and pick the event that must be attended by our unlucky staffer. Afterward he or she will review it right here on the blog! NOTE: Everyone's taste is different, right? So while Erik might enjoy nothing more than an art exhibit featuring only asthma inhalers, it might send Ned into rageful fits! That's why you might find a perfectly pleasant event or two in the list below. Also, competitors must stay for at least two hours (or until the event is over, whichever comes first) and are not allowed to get drunk, or use any substances (drugs) or distractions (phone/reading material) to dull the pain they may experience. Now let's see who is up this week:

News Editor Denis Theriault's Worst. Night. Ever.

Denis Theriault is Canadian (citation needed) and Canadian's are notoriously easy-going about things (some might say "boring" rather than "easy-going"). And all week long Denis has been bragging that there's nothing Worst Night can throw at him that will push him over the edge of comfortability. OH REALLY?? We shall see about that, my fine, smug Canadian friend!

WORST NIGHT CHOICE #1: Kink Night Foam Party!
Because he is Canadian, Denis is not kinky at all, and hates the idea of being perceived as perv. Therefore sending him to the last hour of this Night of Kink Party (fetish and fire dancing performances with a "unicorns" theme!) at the Bossanova Ballroom this Saturday night at 1 am, and then to the FOAM PARTY afterwards at Echelon Studios starting at 2 am will make him terrified, confused, and very very sleepy. Denis will be required to wear a unicorn horn on his head, and stay for at least two hours. No ear plugs or drinking is allowed. Here's a video of the kink party in action. WARNING: Video is NSFW, and the audio is unnecessarily loud. Poor Denis' ears!

WORST NIGHT CHOICE #2: Vancouver Mommy Fitness Workout
Denis will have to get up early Thursday morning, drive to Vancouver, WA with both his kids and participate in a mom's group stroller workout—WHICH SOUNDS EXHAUSTING. From the website:

it's open to stay at home moms and dads who want ACCOUNTABILITY in working out (plus, it's a good excuse to get out of the house)! What better way to model and interact with the kiddos! :) This group is designed for mom of ALL different levels of fitness; all ages—new or expecting; even dads with little ones, where we will incorporate various forms of exercise in a POSITIVE, supportive, and encouraging environment. We are COMMITTED to being ACTIVE members and meet RAIN or SHINE—NO EXCUSES, even when the weather does not cooperate! :)

Denis is required to take BOTH of his children to the workout, and exercise with them in his double-stroller—SO DOUBLE THE EXHAUSTION. Ugh. Spending time with kids AND working out? That's fucking torture.

WORST NIGHT CHOICE #3: Sell Dirty Forks on the Street Corner during Alberta's First Last Thursday.
Nobody likes First Last Thursday. Especially Denis. It's like a Hepatitis breakout waiting to happen, with awful loud noises, gross people, and weirdos selling weird shit on the street that no one could ever possibly want. That's why if you choose #3, Denis will be forced to set up a "dirty fork" stand on a corner in the middle of Last Thursday, where he will have to sell at least three egg-encrusted dirty forks before being allowed to leave. (He's allowed to haggle, but he cannot sell a filthy fork for less than $2.50).

The forks must be dirtier than this.
  • The forks must be dirtier than this.

Voting ends at midnight tonight! VOTE, VOTE, VOTE!!

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