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Monday, July 29, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Jul 29, 2013 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! This is the key that makes us wind up, when the beat comes on, the girls all line up. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Okay, here's kind of a shocker. When Pope Francis is asked about gay priests, he replies, "If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge? We shouldn't marginalize people for this. They must be integrated into society." Can someone pick my jaw up off the ground? (And if someone has replaced the pope with a lifelike robot... I'd like to shake that person's hand.)

What started off as a fringe movement to severely curtail the NSA's surveillance policy is now picking up wicked steam with Democrats and Republicans hopping on board.

A sweeping nationwide crackdown on child prostitution reportedly nets 150 arrests and frees 105 kids.

A European court is investigating charges that Poland agreed to house a secret CIA prison in their country. (The CIA probably told them it was a Hilton.)

Tensions are reaching the breaking point in Egypt where protestors backing their ousted president appear ready to take up arms against the military.

A riot breaks out at the end of the U.S. Open of Surfing at Huntington Beach, as scores of people rampage through the streets. Hey, settle it on the waves, bra!

A man is robbed on the street in Washington, DC and told "This is for Trayvon Martin." No, that was because you guys are fucking jerks. Don't get it twisted.

Good news, hippies! Nevada's Burning Man Festival is about to get bigger. (I hope the state has considered my suggestion to get them all in there, and then wall it off.)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Partly cloudy all week with comfortable highs in the upper 70s, lower 80s.

And finally in CRAZY sports, after striking out in Saturday's game against the Orioles, the Boston Red Sox' David Ortiz pitches a cry-baby fit and then beats the ever-loving shit out of the dugout phone. Hey David, I was just calling to say "I love you!"

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