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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

The Hobbit: The Even-Fucking-LONGER-Somehow Edition

Posted by Bobby Roberts on Wed, Jul 31, 2013 at 1:44 PM

Bilbo.jpg

Below is a scene cut from the theatrical version of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, which came out roughly seven months ago and had all the lasting impact of a hairy footprint in dry sand. The breeze from the blockbusters that followed buried that print, and that won't do; there's still two more movies left to be wrung out of J.R.R. Tolkien's goofy children's story about a homebody hanging out with a group of slobs and a sneaky old fart who shoots fireworks out of his magic stick. So how best to remind people? Release an extended blu-ray that shoves even more useless padding into a film already stuffed with noisy pointlessness, like a mattress made of Furbys.

For example:

That this minute-long clip feels like three is a real testament to the pursuit of bloat Jackson's chosen to take on this return-trip to Middle-Earth.

Is there any real reason for an extended cut of 1/3rd a story that takes longer to watch than reading the entirety of the book it's based on? No. So why is it happening? Because that's how they did it on Lord of the Rings, so that's how we'll do it here. It's the same logic that painfully stretches The Hobbit across three movies like William Wallace.

BUT: Just in case you liked the movie, or you're simply a completist who needs to buy it because otherwise your blu-ray shelf will feel imbalanced somehow (i.e. the reason most childless adults still have copies of the Star Wars prequels) the blu-ray will be available October 22nd, in a variety of options, including a five-disc 3D set with an MSRP of $54.99. You'd be fool of a Took not to get one (ugh).

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