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Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Visiting Sweden? Awesome! Look Out for Testicle-Eating Fish.

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Tue, Aug 13, 2013 at 10:14 AM

Oh, and South America, too! Because apparently both places now have the "pacu" fish—a relative of the piranha who delights in feasting on men's testicles. From the hilariously hyperbolic Telegraph:

The freshwater fish, which can grow up to 90 centimetres and weigh up to 25 kilogrammes, has been nicknamed the "ball cutter" for its attacks on the male genitalia.

In areas where pacus proliferate, fishermen have reportedly bled to death after losing their testicles to the fish's crushing jaws.

So why exactly do pacus go for the male testicles? Danish museum fish expert Henrik Carl explains:

"They bite because they're hungry, and testicles sit nicely in their mouth."

HAHAHAHAHAAAA!! OH YES THEY DO. Waitasecond... there's more and... WHAT?!? You're just NOW mentioning this?!?

Found in most rivers in the Amazon and Orinoco basins in South America, they have also been spotted in Papua New Guinea, where it is believed they have been introduced to boost fish stocks. Discoveries have also been reported in several US states; in 2006, officials at one Texas lake reportedly put a $100 bounty on the pacu caught there.

Way to bury the lede, Telegraph! And this is EXACTLY why I wear THIS every time I go swimming. Bon appétit, a-hole fish!

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