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Monday, August 19, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Mon, Aug 19, 2013 at 9:29 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! He was obviously hooking up bass, I assumed. Then he turned the little button and the car went BOOM! LET'S GO TO PRESS.

It's day six of the bloody state of emergency in Egypt, and now the new military-led government is trying to decide whether or not to release the detained former president Morsi. Unsurprisingly either decision will open up an ugly can of violent worms.

Also in Egypt, 25 soldiers killed in an attack in the Sinai Penninsula.

Iraqi authorities have executed 17 people on charges of "terrorism." Oh, you'd like more detail on what constitutes "terrorism"? Well, they'll get back to you on that.

In "actual" terrorism news: A German newspaper reports that al-Qaida is threatening to bomb some of Europe's high-speed trains.

But what about BEAR terrorism? Seven people in America have been mauled by bears since last Thursday.

And what about REPUBLICAN terrorism? The GOP threatens to shut the government down if Obamacare continues as planned. In other words, they'd continue not to do any work.

Glenn Greenwald, the reporter who broke the U.S. surveillance scandal had some harsh words for the government who detained his partner: "You're going to regret this."

Today New Jersey governor Chris Christie will sign a law intended to ban anti-gay conversion for minors. Sorry, religious homophobes! Now you'll have to "convert" gay kids in Maine.

Seattle protesters fight for a $15 per hour minimum wage—it currently stands at $9.19 an hour.

A hacker breaks into Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook account "to prove a point." (That he could break into Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook account!)

Two female Russian athletes who won gold medals at the World Athletics Championship kiss each other on TV, making the government wonder if they should arrest them or simply go home and frantically masturbate.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Mostly sunny with highs in the low-to-mid 80s through Wednesday!

And finally, Fox Sports anchors ask you very kindly to watch the upcoming Colts/Giants game. You know... I hate football? But these guys have convinced me!


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