This Week in the Mercury


Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Wed, Aug 21, 2013 at 9:30 AM

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! That girl knows every single man would ask her for her hand. But she says her love is much too deep for them to understand. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Pfc. Bradley Manning has been sentenced to 35 years in prison for handing over 70,000 classified files to Wikileaks (including a video of an American helicopter attack in Baghdad, which killed civilians and two journalists). Sounds like the wrong people got prosecuted.

And in case you missed it, yesterday an armed gunman walked into a Georgia elementary school and started shooting. This time the children and staff miraculously escaped without injuries, which means the incident will quickly disappear from our memories, and GUNS KEEP US SAFER.

Former Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak is expected to be released from prison today after the government couldn't figure out any other legal reason to hold him. These guys are sweethearts!

Activists claim that the Syrian government bombed an area outside of Damascus with poison gas during the night, killing civilians in their sleep.

Meanwhile the Obama administration is against sending even limited help to Syria, because they believe that if the rebels were victorious they still "wouldn't back American interests." Tell that to the people who are being gassed... oh, what's that? They can't hear you because they're DEAD.

An American college student writes of her experiences with severe sexual harassment and attempted rape while traveling in India. Meanwhile India begs the world not to make generalizations about their country, while not doing nearly enough to stop the reasons we're making generalizations. So there's that.

Time to start generalizing about San Diego mayors: Even more sexual harassment claims have been lobbed at the pervy Mayor Bob Filner, this time from a business woman who says the mayor grabbed her buttocks during a photo shoot.

Get ready to scream: The family of dead kidnapper James DiMaggio wants DNA samples from his victim Hannah Anderson... to see if DiMaggio could possibly be her biological father. YIPES.

Philippine floods submerge half of Manila under water.

A lawsuit has been filed against the British government who detained the partner of NSA leak reporter Glenn Greenwald, in an attempt to get a public declaration that what the government did was illegal.

Here's a good reason to be careful while skateboarding.

Kanye West rejects an offer to judge American Idol because he didn't want to "go mainstream"—and yet agrees to go on his mother-in-law Kris Jenner's absolutely terrible talk show. Because he may not be mainstream, but he certainly is a sellout.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: A hot one today, folks, with sunny temps reaching 90 degrees.

And finally, the grotesque and pear-shaped Dr. Phil tweeted the following:

Screen_shot_2013-08-21_at_9.28.30_AM.png

Aaaaand... got the following and much, much more in return.
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