This Week in the Mercury

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<i>The Night Before</i>'s Three Wise Men


The Night Before's Three Wise Men

Wait, That Should Read "Three Dumbasses"

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Good Morning, News!

Posted by Denis C. Theriault on Thu, Aug 22, 2013 at 9:29 AM

If, in fact, Syria gassed its own peoplekilling hundreds (seriously just look at the body bags) in what could be a nerve-agent attack—France says it's ready to come at the civil-war-torn country's desperate leadership with "a reaction by the international community … a reaction of force."

Japan is all: "Yeah, so maybe the hundreds of tons of radioactive water leaking into the ocean from the crippled Fukushima nuclear plant is pretty serious—more serious than we admitted just yesterday. We might even say it's a 'serious incident.'"

She's now Chelsea Manning. The whistle-blower formerly known as Bradley Manning formally announced her gender transition soon after she was sentenced to decades in prison for leaking thousands of classified documents—some painting an unflattering-if-accurate picture of American warmongering—to WikiLeaks.

A court ruling on the NSA from 2011—the one that reportedly chastised the spy agency for illegally sucking thousands of domestic communiques a year, forcing it to change its policies—has been declassified. The court pretty much said the NSA had been lying to it.

Glenn Greenwald's boyfriend managed a small victory in British court after government agents held him for nine hours and confiscated files he was carrying: The cops don't have to return the data, but they may not share it with other governments (like ours) and can use it only for limited investigation on behalf of national security. Trust everyone to toe the line? You do? Good, but please see above.

Egypt mostly yawned as former dictator Hosni Mubarak was released from prison on a technicality and taken to a military hospital to live out his days on house arrest. Soldiers murdering hundreds of Islamist protesters in recent weeks tends to refocus a country, I guess.

It seems someone has fired a pair of rockets from Lebanon into Israel. Just so no one forgets about that seething geopolitical mess. No one was injured.

Barack Obama has a plan to help ease college costs for our vanishing middle class and exploding caste of poor people, but it requires approval from congressional Republicans and doesn't actually do anything about the unconscionable rise in tuition rates themselves over the past two decades.

Predictably everyone is stunned and troubled in the small Oklahoma town where "bored" teenagers allegedly shot and killed an Australian college athlete.

San Diego Mayor Bob Filner won't get to have his Waterloo. He's been seen packing up his office and saying goodbye to his staff amid reports that a negotiated settlement in a sexual harassment lawsuit calls for him to resign.

The porn industry doesn't want anyone to think that a performer diagnosed with HIV got it on set and please don't use this to keep passing laws requiring people wear prophylactics, etc.



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