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Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Canada's Vancouver Is Better Than Ours!

Posted by Alex Falcone on Tue, Aug 27, 2013 at 9:59 AM

vancouver.gif
Did you guys know Canada has a Vancouver too? And it's WAY better than ours. We should build a giant Columbia River Crossing that skips Washington altogether and lets off in British Columbia.

Before I went I couldn't have told you if British Columbia was more like Narnia or actual Columbia. I'm happy to report it's like the former, but more technologically advanced. In fact, the technology in Vancouver was so impressive, we need to NAFTA some of their ideas ASAP.

[1] Credit Card Machines
Every restaurant I ate at had these great portable credit card machines that they brought to our tables. It included a brilliant option for tipping either by amount or percentage, which advances my goal of never learning how to do long division.

credit-card.jpg

[2] Money Business
If you prefer cash, you're in luck too. Canadian dollars, despite being worth only 96% of what our dollars are worth (plus foreign transaction fees), are far superior dollars. Brilliantly colorful with transparent windows on bigger denominations and including pictures of animals (cute!) and even kids playing hockey (adorable!).

[3] Jaunty Crosswalks!
Look at this American crosswalk guy:

crosswalk.jpg

He's all business. Head down, he's got places to go and people to be rude to.

Now look at this Canadian crosswalk:

ca-crosswalk.jpg

He's so jaunty! His head is back, his arms are up, everywhere he goes he says "Haters gonna hate!"

haters.gif

You can't cross a street angrily in Canada.

[4] Rollerblade Lanes
Vancouvrians love their rollerblading! They love it so much, they dedicate separate lanes for ice-less skating. This isn't so much a technological accomplishment as an emotional one, with a whole city agreeing to not make fun of people for rollerblading.

[5] SkyTrain
Instead of the painfully slow MAX (GroundTrain), Canadian light rail is so light it's floating in the sky! But the height isn't the impressive part, it's that SkyTrain is entirely driven by robots! In addition to being incredibly awesome, it also means trains arrive every couple minutes. That's unfathomable in Portland given that it takes more than a couple minutes for each MAX to adjust itself at every stop before opening its doors.


I know it's going to be hard to find funding for a CRC all the way to the better Vancouver, but it'll be worth it. Even with the fights over a SkyTrain lane AND a rollerblading lane.

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