LOOK. I gave you guys a whole extra day to watch this week's exciting, mesmerizing episode of Breaking Bad—so for the love of Belize, I hope you're ready to do some chitty-chatting about it! After the jump you will find my spoiler-filled recap as well as your incisive commentary... so what are we waiting for? LET'S CHITTY-CHAT ABOUT BREAKING BAD!
Oh, hello! Now that you're here, let's start chitty-chatting about this week's episode entitled "Rabid Dog."
1) When we last left Jesse, he had learned about Walt poisoning that kid with ricin, and in retaliation, decided to give his house a gasoline bath. But when Walt walks in? NO JESSE. Ummm... wha' happened??
2) HERE'S wha' happened! Hank, who had been following Jesse, interrupts the gasoline shower and convinces him to put down the lighter and the two of them could "burn Walt down together." Both of these scenes were totally mesmerizing, and there was even more mesmerization (??) to come!
3) Walt calls "Better Call" Saul (who is not looking so great after being on the receiving end of a Jesse ass-whuppin') who advises Walt to give Jesse the "Old Yeller" treatment. (Sidenote: How did this movie ever get made? Can you seriously imagine anyone making a movie like that today?) Naturally, Walt pooh-poohs the idea, runs home and makes up the absolute WORST LIE EVER TOLD to explain why the house smells like gasoline. (Though in his defense I can't think of a better lie off the top of my head.) SO... off the family runs to a fancy hotel, where Skyler (AKA the smartest person on this show) also tells Walt he should "Old Yeller" Jesse to Belize, because... ummm... he's already fucked everybody else over, so why not him too? (That logic is kind of hard to argue with. I told you she was smart.)
4) Meanwhile, Hank gets Jesse to offer up a videotape confession, but Jesse rightly notes they have no physical proof and Walt is "the devil. He is smarter than you. He is luckier than you. Whatever you think is supposed to happen, the exact reverse opposite of that is gonna happen." That makes my head hurt. And yet? Hank convinces Jesse to wear a wire and meet Walt in the plaza, so his former mentor could explain why he poisoned that kid and BOOM! Taped confession. Unfortunately Jesse freaks out and calls Walt instead warning, "This is just a heads-up that I'm coming for you. I decided that burning down your house is nothing… next time, I'm gonna get you where you really live." CLICK.
5) Naturally Hank flips out, but Jesse obviously has a plan: "There's another way. To get him… there's another way. A better way." Okay, guys. This concerns me. Since jesse's not the sharpest tool in the shed, does he really have a "better way"? Or is he thinking of digging a hole and covering it with a sheet, hoping that Walt stumbles into it?
6) Meanwhile back at the hotel pool, the soon-to-be-emotionally-devastated Walt Junior hugs his dad—and that seems to be the straw that broke the last bit of morality in the camel's back... because Walt calls Todd (AKA Meth Damon) and says he has a "job for his uncle." (Gulp! Hope his uncle hasn't seen Old Yeller!)
7) OKAY THAT WAS THAT. What a great episode, yes? So tell me what you're thinking: Does Jesse actually have a really good idea? Can he outthink Walt? Will Marie accidentally poison herself? Isn't her purple luggage set awesome? And most importantly, WILL JESSE SURVIVE THE SEASON? Answer these questions and more in the comments below, chitty-chat clubbers!
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