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Tuesday, September 10, 2013

SLLOTD: Donkey See, Donkey Doo

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Sep 10, 2013 at 10:29 AM

Originally published October 26, 2006:

I'm working with Wikipedia, where we're currently debating the "Donkey Punch." It may not be real, but Wikipedia has articles on perpetual motion, sewer alligators, and creationism—why not Donkey Punching? The difference, though, is that the Donkey Punch (fucking someone in the ass and then punching them hard in the back of the head or neck, so that the sudden pain and/or unconsciousness causes the asshole to constrict spasmodically) is short-term dangerous. Therefore, some editors have said the article should specify just how risky and possibly even criminal it is.

A statement about the physical and legal risks of the Donkey Punch, although we may think it self-evident, must come from a reputable source. And who's more reputable than Dan Savage? So, yes, even though this is a stupid, brutal hoax whose risks and fraudulent nature should be readily apparent, and even though the Wikipedia article already quotes your description of it as "a sex act that exists only in the imaginations of adolescent boys," could you spare a few lines to say that punching someone in the back of the head or neck when they're not expecting it can cause horrible damage and may even be criminal?

An Encyclopedia Geek

My response after the jump...

Who's more reputable than Dan Savage? I can think of a few hundred million people on the North American continent alone. But, hey, so long as my Wikipedia page—which, for the record, I did not author and only found out about when a web-savvy youngster brought it to my attention—features that hyperflattering photo of me, I'm happy to do my part for them.

Donkey Punching, kids? You've heard people joke about it and other extreme and/or stupid sex acts. But while attempting your Hot Karls, Icy Mikes, or Louisville Pluggers is unlikely to result in injury, death, or incarceration, attempting a Donkey Punch can lead to any or all of these unpleasant outcomes. And not only is the Donkey Punch dangerous and likely to land your ass in jail, the damn thing doesn't even work.

"To the best of my knowledge, there is no definitive reflex in the human neurophysiology that induces involuntary tightening of the anal sphincter after receiving blunt-force trauma to the back of the head," says Dr. Jeffrey Bahr, a faculty member at the Medical College of Wisconsin. So your lover's asshole is not going to spasm round your dick if you give 'em a Donkey Punch. Your lover could, however, drop dead.

"Trauma to any part of the skull can have serious ramifications," says Dr. Bahr. "Pain, intracranial hemorrhage, memory loss, neck injury, and possibly some related sensory deficits in the arms and legs. A strong enough blow to the back of an unsuspecting person's head could result in a vertebral fracture which, I hope most people know, could cause paralysis or even death."

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